Getting to know your neighbours

There was a time many years ago when it was quite common to borrow a cup of sugar, a bottle of paraffin or some other necessity which at that moment you found lacking. Today it is more common to borrow a gas cylinder or a particular tool like a ladder. Necessities aren't that scarce nowadays.

In many towns and villages, there are people who live very close to their neighbours. The respect is reciprocal and the concern is mutual for anyone who falls ill or dies in that street. One can easily find many areas where people, mostly elderly, visit each other for a chat. If someone is immobile, there is always somebody ready to see to his/her needs and shopping.

Living in houses touching one another, with almost nine out of 12 months of sunshine, tends to encourage knowing all the neighbours living in your street. You see them often and in a short time you come to know their names and a lot about their lives. Most of them become your friends.

All this is very commendable and we should encourage this solidarity and fraternity. No one must interpret this as being overly friendly with your neighbours and friends. In fact we have an old proverb which says "il-hbieb sal-bieb" (friends stop at the doorstep). But then we are talking about genuine respect and friendship, especially where elderly people are concerned.

I remember many years ago when the neighbours in many streets in villages every evening in summer used to congregate outside and, after reciting the rosary, chat and talk about their problems and hobbies. Some old men used to lie on the kerb for an early nap on a makeshift mattress.

As most of the houses were a one-storey building with an inner yard, separated from other houses by a single 10-foot wall, many used to hear their neighbours arguing and talking, and everybody knew about his neighbour's problems and arguments. But they lived as a family, helping and supporting each other - even if the majority were poor and couldn't make ends meet. As far as I know, there were never any surveys about such affairs in Malta. In Britain, a recent survey found that six out of 10 Britons don't know the names of their neighbours.

They do, however, know their faces. As we grow older, we end up knowing most of the people in the village/town since we live very close by and enjoy their company.

Sixty-one per cent in the UK said they could acknowledge their neighbours if they bumped into them in the street. But their greeting would be limited to just a hello before running off.

We usually stop and chat or at least excuse ourselves in case we are in a hurry. About 29 per cent in the UK would try to avoid meeting them. Only 10 per cent said they would be glad to greet them and perhaps chat for a while. On the contrary, most of us are delighted to meet neighbours and friends especially when we are on vacation.

While most said they would hand over a cup of sugar to a neighbour in need, more than half said they would begrudge doing so. In many local neighbourhoods, there is the camaraderie that the majority are ready to help even at night if the case is serious.

Many blame the computer and the car for the loss of community spirit and neighbourly generosity. Cambridge professor John Look, who analysed the studies in Britain and the US, pointed out that, while many communicate with the other side of the world over the internet, few bother to find out who live next door.

Most people argue that dependence on the car means that many people never get to know their neighbours, as they will go from their door to their car and when they return they go straight from the car to their front door again. And this seems to be also the trend of young families in Malta. While their parents are familiar with their neighbours, the younger generation are cutting themselves from this tradition and are much less interested in neighbourliness.