Wild pepper on Comino

Spending some time to discover Comino beyond the Blue Lagoon provides more satisfaction than the two medium-sized ice-creams one may buy on the beach for Lm1.40.

Comino indeed has a lot more history and legend than most people know about. First of all it has an old bakery which environmentalists wish to see restored as a centre for the scientific study of nature. So far there has been no positive reaction from the government. And most say Why not? while others wonder if the government has some intention of pleasing the capitalistic greed of some developer.

On Comino you may also find a small cemetery. Grave diggers seem to have missed the boundary wall in the case of one grave. This is to be found outside the cemetery and reminds you of the post mortem punishment to the socialists of the 1960s.

However, most interesting of all is the wild pepper bush between the bakery and Santa Maria bay, with leaves looking like those of a cannabis plant. I was told that years ago a small monastery in Comino hosted a group of monks who lived there far away from everyone and everything - especially to forget all about women until the Catholic Church decided to grant marriage licences to its clergy.

Some horrible trickster whispered to the monks that if they ate from the wild pepper bush they would find it easier to forget about women. So the monks' boss - called supermonk - collected pepper from this bush and mixed it with his convent's salads. Patiently the deflationary effect of these peppers was awaited. But the monks were spotted roaming near Santa Maria bay, where gorgeous blonds frolicked and sunbathed - before sunbathing prohibition was entrenched in the Constitution. The monks inevitably wore wide robes while staring at these wows who challenged their vows. Everybody understood that the trickster had not mentioned that the wild pepper was really an aphrodisiac.

Reminds me of the trickster snake, on top of the wild apple-tree in the Adam and Eve story, who cheated the couple into believing that they would live better by listening to him.

Legal medicine

Ihave never understood why the president of the Medical Council should be a lawyer. Unless the president of the Chamber of Advocates should be a medical doctor.

Who's running the blitz show?

On one hand we have the PM declaring he will call an election at a time that suits the best interests of the nation. On the other hand, we have the secretary general of the PN stating he will advise the PM to hold an election if he suspects that his party is ahead in popularity of their adversaries. Meanwhile, suggests the SG - a member of the intelligent strategy group - the party candidates are supposed to "bombard" the apathetic party faithful with house visits. Thus, if you hear a bombardment at your door, it's only a conservative house visit responding to the latest post-electoral post mortem.

This makes you wonder if the secretary general of a political party can actually interfere with the PM's decisions. I thought that party and government were separate - especially to promoters of democracy - and that the PM was the leader of the nation much more than the leader of a minority party.

But most important of all is the fact that, with every day that passes without holding a general election, the party in government is painting itself into a corner. However, the important thing is to take advice from a secretary general who has already provided the PM with brilliant advice on how to lose five consecutive elections and become a serial loser.

Serious jokes

Arecent issue of The European Voice made fun of the "oversized flag" in front of the Maltese Embassy in Brussels. The "funny" writer of this article has thus decided for us - even if there are no regulations about this - what size an embassy flag should be. I have sometimes witnessed this patronising bullying abroad by people who quickly tell you that their joke was not meant to be aggressive - but they become touchy when you crack a similar cultural joke. This is a typical case of a serious joke by a coward who finds courage in numbers. The funny gentleman can perhaps be invited to participate in the baaaaing of our Bendu's sheep.

No to fences

When non-conservative politicians do not commit themselves on some hot issue embarrassing and discomforting the conservative confraternity, they really anger their adversaries. There is no provocation more serious to conservatives than that of not being interested in their problems. Indeed, hell hath no fury like a conservative accusing you of sitting amused on the fence.

For sale, vintage buses

Many tourists like to condescendingly declare that we should keep our sweet old buses. They (the buses) have so much charm! Maybe, but not when a ride in them is an imposition of osteopathy. I suggest that tourists excited about these vintage buses should be offered their purchase at a reasonable price. Or, come to think of it, why not allow them to have them for free to render their quaint, colourful villages a wee more pretty?

Reporting from council

Arecent item in the Social and Personal column of this paper mentioned only one local council meeting when there were actually two. I believe that in every case local councils should inform the media of public meetings. I did attend a local council meeting recently and was surprised to hear that all mayors in Malta decided on their own, without consulting the whole council, on the roles and responsibilities to be given to councillors. I believe that, if true, this is autocratic and, if not, other mayors should state in the media how they organise roles and responsibilities in their council.

The joy of the beaten track

It is usually quite easy to comprehend the message behind the Minister of Health's articles, but when he wanders off the beaten track, we have a problem. He usually builds his communication around the names of Alfred Sant (whom he admires secretly) and Lawrence Gonzi (whom he admires openly), mentioned a few dozen times and filling in the spaces with a few words here and there. So far so good. But on April 27, I think Louis Deguara wandered off the beaten track writing: "At least it has not embraced the future when it became the past". I am afraid that this has made me spend many sleepless nights tossing and turning trying to grasp the deep, distant reflection. This challenge is not fair on people with average IQs. I believe that, if Dr Deguara wishes to change his writing strategy, he could perhaps attempt to be apologetic about the price of medicines, the poor wages of Maltese doctors obliged to seek employment abroad and the stressed nurses looking after several patients per nurse. Or whether patients will be paying at Mater Dei Hospital. Then, perhaps, he would not be embracing the past when it has become the future.

Dr Licari teaches psycholinguistics, sociolinguistics and geolinguistics at the Department of French of the University of Malta.