Born again

Pregnancy and the prospects of a new baby bring joy to most people, but seeing the blue line on the pregnancy test stick shocked Rose (fictitious name).

Having a child was not something she was prepared for. She was overcome with fear and saw no solution other than to terminate the pregnancy.

"Inside me I knew it was wrong, but I was scared," she said as she nervously wrung her hands. With already a child to take care of, the single mother was not willing to bring another into the world. "I already knew what a trauma having a child to bring up on your own entails and I could not face the reality of having to go through it again."

The baby's father was also against going ahead with the pregnancy and urged Rose to get rid of the child, saying that having a baby would ruin their lives. He even offered to pay for the whole procedure.

With abortion being illegal in Malta, Rose's family doctor could not help her, not even by referring her to a reputable clinic abroad. According to statistics published by the UK's Health Department, 237 Maltese women had an abortion in England and Wales between 2002 and 2005. No figures are available for those travelling to other countries for the same reason.

"I was so stressed out and sought help, insisting that unless someone helped me I would do anything to terminate this pregnancy.

"I searched the internet and found a website, but even that was too complicated, with many forms to fill in."

In the end, Rose contacted a relative living in the UK, who did all the research for her, finding information about a clinic where she could have her pregnancy terminated. "It was going to cost Lm800, including the flights to the UK. Money was not an issue because the father had offered to pay. But thinking about it now, I do not think I would have taken the money - it was dirty money."

Did she ever consider having the baby and give it up for adoption?

"I thought about it, but I do not think I would have been able to do it. It is hard and you really have to have no feelings for the child to consider giving it away after giving birth," she said as tears started streaming down her cheeks.

A bout of flu, coupled with severe morning sickness, disrupted Rose's plans to go to the UK. "I was out of action for weeks, unable to even get out of bed. I was living on toast and tea that my child managed to make for me.

"But being bed-ridden also gave me time to think and I realised that, just as I had managed to bring up one child, I could do the same with this one. And I decided to keep the baby."

She told the doctor and a priest whom she had confided in about her decision and they promised their support. "I felt like I had two pillars to lean on."

Through a social worker, she managed to get through to the pro-life group Gift of Life, whose programme Hope helps pregnant women by assisting them with moral and material support. "They are helping me out by providing me with maternity clothes, baby outfits, nappies and other things that I would need and which I would otherwise be unable to afford. But, more importantly, I know I have someone to call when I feel lonely, someone to check on me."

The foundation continues helping women even after they give birth by providing certain items that are essential for the baby, and making sure they help out until the mother gets back on her feet. Gift of Life spokesman Paul Vincenti explained that the idea behind the programme was precisely to help women keep their babies knowing that help is at hand.

Today, Rose is looking forward to the next few months passing by so she can hold her new baby in her arms. Even her other child is excited about having a new brother or sister.

Guilt feelings at having thought of aborting her baby still haunt Rose. "A few days ago I found the papers with all the information about the abortion clinic in the UK and I tore them into a million pieces, not wanting to lay eyes on them ever again. I do not want to think I ever considered killing this baby."

Rose believes the state should give more help to single mothers, in order to make it easier for them to keep their children and secure for them a good life.