A pleasant environment
Land Rover Freelander II
If you read the press these days, you'll be utterly convinced that the world is wearing out since we're being bombarded with shocking reports on a weekly basis saying that we're all going to be doomed in about 50 years' time.
There will be no Ghadira beach left because the sea level would have risen the necessary millimetre, no more marine life because fishermen would have stolen the whole lot - though if you take a good look under Malta's coastline you'd be forgiven for thinking that it's already happened - and we'll all be either frying or freezing to death depending on which expert you choose to believe.
If that doesn't get you, the fumes in the air will and if you're smugly thinking you'll be dead by then so you have nothing to worry about, be assured that doctors will find the secret to eternal life the day before you're due to kick the bucket. This is the kind of crazy world we're living in.
So it's no wonder we're determined all of a sudden to do our bit for the environment and planet earth. I, for one, am trying to use less electricity these days. Of course, it's got nothing to do with the simple fact that power bills have gone through the roof, but all down to my environmental conscience. Believe that and you'll believe the politicians that will be knocking on your door in the next few months in search of another precious commodity: your vote. I've also taken to separating my waste, ensuring all the political bumf already coming through the letter box goes straight to the bin without passing go and putting my bottles and plastic in separate containers. Then, when I start tripping over them at home I make my way to the recycling site, and start cursing because I can't get stuff the size of an elephant through a hole that even Jerry (of Tom and... fame) couldn't fit through.
This all convinces me that I'm doing my bit for the environment. It matters not that one billion people in so-called communist China are ignoring all this in their pursuit to be more equal in economic terms than others - 400,000 of them die each year of emission-related sicknesses - or that George W. Bush doesn't believe it even when a few devastating hurricanes swirl around his bodyguarded backside.
But, for some reason, it still makes me feel good; though, of course, I cheat. I use the car to take the stuff to the sites which probably does more harm to the environment than a couple of plastic bottles and when I'm in a hurry put everything in the same bin hoping that my conscience won't notice. This is all because I'm a hypocrite. I want to be able to do everything perfectly, but reality bites in and instead I'm doing a bit of everything to a more or less acceptable level.
This all makes me figure that the guys at Land Rover who designed the new Freelander II - an imaginative change of name if ever there was one and why change a name of an updated vehicle anyway? - are hyprocrites too. There was a time when Land Rover only had two types of vehicle in their fleet: the Defender, if you really needed something to get you over rough terrain and didn't give a damn about speed or comfort; and the Range Rover, if you really needed something to get you over rough terrain but did give a damn about speed and comfort and had enough money to pay for it.
Then it came up with a cross between the two in the Discovery, which in its original form did more off-roading in a garage than anywhere else though it is now quite a reasonable proposition, and the Freelander is a baby version of it.
Even though it still has a pretty boxy shape, the new Freelander still manages to look good on the outside. Inside, it also has all the Land Rover hallmarks of design: The sleeves from your granny's coat on the armrests and buttons on the dashboard that are big enough for a platypus to use, not to mention a few bits of recycled plastic bottles that are cleverly disguised as switches. Space in the back could be better and you won't get everything and the kitchen sink in the boot, while the diesel engine and sound of the gearshift are also as loud as the basic stereo.
It basically has all the things we've come to expect from Land Rover. What I wasn't expecting, however, were the delicate little electric switches that can move the seat into an incredibly commanding driving position which makes the vehicle so easy to drive.
And you don't just hear the guts of the 2.2 turbo diesel engine; when you put your foot down, you can feel all 158bhp of them as it powers effortlessly on flat or inclined roads. It's not going to blow you away in terms of speed, but it provides as much as you'll ever need, with a pretty respectable 37mpg that will also keep a few quid in your pocket. Let's hope the bad old days' unreliability won't come back to make the money jump out again.
By far the best thing about this vehicle, however, is the supreme quality of its suspension - which can prove mighty useful when a whole dormitory of sleeping policemen are trying to slow you down.
And while the steering doesn't have the positive feel of some other vehicles in this class, it is still assured and in spite of the body roll you can turn the vehicle on the proverbial six pence. You can also go through an artistic collection of potholes without even noticing and have a bit of fun - a lot may be pushing it - off the beaten track. A little knob that adjusts the settings depending on the terrain you're on all adds to the experience.
So, all in all, this is a perfect hypocrite's car. It isn't exceptional at anything, but does everything well enough to make you feel good. And unlike some 4X4s, it won't hurt the environment too much.
The bare facts
Model: 2.2 XS
Engine types: 2.2 TD, 3.2i
Power: 158bhp at 4,000rpm
Torque: 295lb ft at 2,000 rpm
Transmission: Six speed manual/Automatic
Fuel: 37.2 mpg (combined cycle)
Acceleration 0-60mph: 10.9 seconds
Price: From Lm20,880
For: Great ride
Against: Pricey
Rating: 5stars
There will be no Ghadira beach left because the sea level would have risen the necessary millimetre, no more marine life because fishermen would have stolen the whole lot - though if you take a good look under Malta's coastline you'd be forgiven for thinking that it's already happened - and we'll all be either frying or freezing to death depending on which expert you choose to believe.
If that doesn't get you, the fumes in the air will and if you're smugly thinking you'll be dead by then so you have nothing to worry about, be assured that doctors will find the secret to eternal life the day before you're due to kick the bucket. This is the kind of crazy world we're living in.
So it's no wonder we're determined all of a sudden to do our bit for the environment and planet earth. I, for one, am trying to use less electricity these days. Of course, it's got nothing to do with the simple fact that power bills have gone through the roof, but all down to my environmental conscience. Believe that and you'll believe the politicians that will be knocking on your door in the next few months in search of another precious commodity: your vote. I've also taken to separating my waste, ensuring all the political bumf already coming through the letter box goes straight to the bin without passing go and putting my bottles and plastic in separate containers. Then, when I start tripping over them at home I make my way to the recycling site, and start cursing because I can't get stuff the size of an elephant through a hole that even Jerry (of Tom and... fame) couldn't fit through.
This all convinces me that I'm doing my bit for the environment. It matters not that one billion people in so-called communist China are ignoring all this in their pursuit to be more equal in economic terms than others - 400,000 of them die each year of emission-related sicknesses - or that George W. Bush doesn't believe it even when a few devastating hurricanes swirl around his bodyguarded backside.
But, for some reason, it still makes me feel good; though, of course, I cheat. I use the car to take the stuff to the sites which probably does more harm to the environment than a couple of plastic bottles and when I'm in a hurry put everything in the same bin hoping that my conscience won't notice. This is all because I'm a hypocrite. I want to be able to do everything perfectly, but reality bites in and instead I'm doing a bit of everything to a more or less acceptable level.
This all makes me figure that the guys at Land Rover who designed the new Freelander II - an imaginative change of name if ever there was one and why change a name of an updated vehicle anyway? - are hyprocrites too. There was a time when Land Rover only had two types of vehicle in their fleet: the Defender, if you really needed something to get you over rough terrain and didn't give a damn about speed or comfort; and the Range Rover, if you really needed something to get you over rough terrain but did give a damn about speed and comfort and had enough money to pay for it.
Then it came up with a cross between the two in the Discovery, which in its original form did more off-roading in a garage than anywhere else though it is now quite a reasonable proposition, and the Freelander is a baby version of it.
Even though it still has a pretty boxy shape, the new Freelander still manages to look good on the outside. Inside, it also has all the Land Rover hallmarks of design: The sleeves from your granny's coat on the armrests and buttons on the dashboard that are big enough for a platypus to use, not to mention a few bits of recycled plastic bottles that are cleverly disguised as switches. Space in the back could be better and you won't get everything and the kitchen sink in the boot, while the diesel engine and sound of the gearshift are also as loud as the basic stereo.
It basically has all the things we've come to expect from Land Rover. What I wasn't expecting, however, were the delicate little electric switches that can move the seat into an incredibly commanding driving position which makes the vehicle so easy to drive.
And you don't just hear the guts of the 2.2 turbo diesel engine; when you put your foot down, you can feel all 158bhp of them as it powers effortlessly on flat or inclined roads. It's not going to blow you away in terms of speed, but it provides as much as you'll ever need, with a pretty respectable 37mpg that will also keep a few quid in your pocket. Let's hope the bad old days' unreliability won't come back to make the money jump out again.
By far the best thing about this vehicle, however, is the supreme quality of its suspension - which can prove mighty useful when a whole dormitory of sleeping policemen are trying to slow you down.
And while the steering doesn't have the positive feel of some other vehicles in this class, it is still assured and in spite of the body roll you can turn the vehicle on the proverbial six pence. You can also go through an artistic collection of potholes without even noticing and have a bit of fun - a lot may be pushing it - off the beaten track. A little knob that adjusts the settings depending on the terrain you're on all adds to the experience.
So, all in all, this is a perfect hypocrite's car. It isn't exceptional at anything, but does everything well enough to make you feel good. And unlike some 4X4s, it won't hurt the environment too much.
The bare facts
Model: 2.2 XS
Engine types: 2.2 TD, 3.2i
Power: 158bhp at 4,000rpm
Torque: 295lb ft at 2,000 rpm
Transmission: Six speed manual/Automatic
Fuel: 37.2 mpg (combined cycle)
Acceleration 0-60mph: 10.9 seconds
Price: From Lm20,880
For: Great ride
Against: Pricey
Rating: 5stars