All too soon the precious bundle of joy in your life is transformed into an independent youngster, and is fully integrated into an education system among peers where the motto "when the going gets tough the tough get going" says it all.
All goes well until little Tina or teenage Tom is suddenly transformed into a shallow reflection of her/his usual vibrant self. Depression and sullenness set in. All sorts of psychosomatic illnesses are suddenly manifested at the beginning of the school week only to vanish in thin air each weekend, until you are worried to pieces and seriously start doubting your child's sanity.
In a last bid to make head or tail of the situation, you sit down for a desperate chat with the impostor posing as your child, look into those hopeless eyes and suddenly it hits you: Bullying is rearing its ugly head and destroying your off-spring's life.
But before you splutter with indignation and scream at your child to stand up for her/himself and literally pound her/his attacker to death, you should be aware that other effective methods exist which do not involve physical violence and bloodshed. So hang on there. Help is at hand.
Whatever your dearest and nearest insist on telling you, bullying is not a natural passing phase of a child's development. Those who sustain that such behaviour is normal are either extremely dense or have lived under a rock all their life. Bullying is not socially acceptable, and acting as though it is will only give empowerment to the aggressor.
Bullying can take many forms. It can either be physical and involve hitting and shoving (overt), or it can be more subtle and involve name calling or the spreading of unsolicited rumours (covert). Although bullies usually hide behind a tough exterior, most of them are just blatant cowards who feel in control when they inflict emotional or physical pain on their victim.
Bullies might come from a family background where they are subject to corporal punishment or they could have uninvolved parents. Most will probably grow up into authority-defying criminals unless they are aided to modify their behaviour. Bullies usually crave an audience and bask in their approval. One does not need to join the bully in his/her gutless actions to offer support.
Regrettably, even a mere snigger at an unkind pun is enough to show that you accommodate this attitude. And so Mr or Ms Tough Guy will be at it again, until he or she is simply forced to quit. Since it's probably on your mind by now, let me point out that hitting back or confronting the bully is not always the ideal solution since it can further provoke the aggressor and increase the deviant behaviour.
"Well then, the answer is obvious, you nitwit!" Most of you are probably exclaiming rudely to yours truly by now. "The solution is to inform your offspring to simply ignore the bullying and hope for the best!"
Actually, and I am not trying to transform myself as the angel of doom here. This is the worst thing you can do as a parent! Victims of bullying are often left scarred for life with a shattered self-esteem and depression.
They might also refuse to attend school and consequently miss out on their education which ensures that they get bad grades in examinations. One thing leads to another and, before long, your child is a grown-up adult with few qualifications and a sub-zero zest for life. Therefore, it is obvious that something must be done fast!
At this point, some parents might opt to change their offspring's school if it is possible. However, many times this has little effect. The reason is obvious. Bullies are like sharks surfing the horizon for any individual that appears weaker or shyer than the rest, or simply deviates from the dim perceived norm.
A change of school might help. However, if your child is prone to being bullied, she or he might encounter the same problem in yet another educational setting. Unless you plan to move your child to a new school every scholastic year, it is best to seek the advice of an educational expert in these matters such as a school counsellor.
He or she will decide on the best course of action to take. The bully might be confronted by school authorities; or an anti-bullying seminar or club might be set up on the school property where students are advised on how to prevent and handle such behaviour.
Even if peers lack the skills to defend a bully's prey, they can simply refuse to act as spectators and quietly flee the scene of aggression to inform a teacher or an influential person who can control the situation.
Some time ago, I was particularly impressed with an anti-bullying commercial where children let adults know that they were victims of bullying by writing the words "I am being bullied" on different surfaces. None of the children were able to verbally confide this atrocious fact with their caregivers.
Unfortunately, this is the reality of bullying. Most victims blame themselves, are ashamed to tell anyone that they are being bullied and feel that confiding in someone will only make the situation worse. However, ironically, bullying usually ceases when authority figures or well-meaning pals intervene.
Therefore, we should not live under the false impression that bullying issues should be solely left in the hands of school personnel, but we should build awareness by educating our young ones about this peril immediately. In this way we can strive towards eventually eradicating this inhibiting threat altogether.