House rules

In the episode Failure to Communicate, the silver-tongued Dr Gregory House (Hugh Laurie) is asked, in passing, "Did you know your phone is dead? Don't you ever recharge the batteries?"

Like those of us who think that cellular telephones were merely substitutes for hand-held video games, he replies: "They do? I just keep buying new phones..."

It is replies like this that cause one to make the same double take as one does upon realising that a programme called Realtà, no less, is ironically broadcast from a virtual studio. In the case of Dr House, however, one tends to believe him, what with his combination of brilliant powers of deduction and diagnoses, and constant physical pain.

It is also the somewhat incredulous "come again?" sigh that greets the result of Magic's quest to find "The Nation's Favourite Love Songs", to celebrate Valentine's Day as voted by Magic 91.7 listeners. This station targets the 29-50 age bracket, with an overspill to 25-55.

Just for the 'record', the top song chosen from votes cast by over 2,000 listeners was Angels by Robbie Williams. It is not The One I would have picked!

Word got around that Brad Pitt had come to Malta again for a recce in connection with a new project. The rumour was further fuelled when he was seen in the company of a television crew, people who were obviously actors - and our own Clare Agius.

In actual fact, however, the actor is Polish; part of the cast of Kriminalny, the must-see, award-wining Saturday night series that is very big on Polish television. One of the story arcs is similar to what had happened to Sonny Crockett in Miami Vice; his wife is shot and he decides to take justice into his own hands.

So at one point he finds himself thrown into the Mediterranean - and is rescued and nursed back to health by Ms Agius, as a police officer. It remains to be seen whether she will be his new love interest. But our breathtaking scenery bodes well for shooting miles of footage, anyway.

One notes that here Malta is not loaning its charms as a pretend Greece, or Lebanon, or Israel, but as itself. A plus point with happenstance like this (it was Krystyna Maria Mikulanka, our honorary consul in Poland, who 'replaced' Portugal with Malta in the director's eyes, and thence in camera's sights) is that people - including Europeans - who cannot place Malta in a wall-map will suddenly find out about what the MTA is calling "the Mediterranean's best-kept secret".

This cult series has a huge fan-base. I am told that besides the two episodes, another two documentary-style "making-of" programmes are in the can, and these ought to highlight intrinsically much more than the places shown in the footage.

It would be a wonderful thing were PBS, or E22, top show us these documentaries, perhaps interspersed with clips from the series itself. And maybe something on the lines could be used as idents - the short clips shown between programmes - to advertise the Station of the Nation... proudly being brought to us as the Station of the Year.

Some time ago, incidentally, the Beeb ironically went to Croatia and México to film their 30-second promotional clips, which had cost a staggering £1.2 million, costing the British taxpayer around £5,000 a second. I would suggest a little ingenious and adroit undercover public relations for any foreign television station wanting such work done on a leaner budget.

There are other things - besides the Eurovision - about which to make a "song and dance".

Be that as it may, OGAE Malta, the official Eurovision Fan Club, is pulling out all the stops this year - partly, of course, in honour of Olivia Lewis, presenting a concert-within-a-concert at Tattingers, and a round-up of that on One. This will be followed by another happening in April, just a couple of days before the delegation departs for Finland.

So much, then for the song bit - the dance, and drama, and yet more song, are represented by L-Isfida, which is into its new phase. Team A and Team B are now at daggers drawn with Team B winning the first programme of the final phase... perhaps this was inevitable, since Team A was deprived of two wonderful singers. 

There's a lot at stake, literally, figuratively, and monetarily; the grand prize is a three-year scholarship, worth at the Cambridge Body Works Theatre Company worth over Lm15,000. Theresa Kerr, director of this prestigious school, will be on the judging panel.

Incidentally, one notes that this show has yet again been voted as the most popular TV programme on Wednesday night in the Broadcasting Authority Survey.

Since today sees the start of the Year of the Pig, it's worth noting that China has come up with its own version of Friends; it's called the fey equivalent of this term, i.e. Soul Partners, and features six people in their 20s who have to live together after being individually tricked into buying the same apartment. Incidentally, the casting call had attracted 1,000 wannabes.

The twist is that it's the feedback from China's community of Internet users - 137 million and counting - that determines the plots, highly unusual in a country where the State regulates what is going to be on television, in the first place. That is why the series will be streamed on personal computers, rather than going on air on television. Since the intention is not to make money, but to entertain, actors are relatively free from their usual constraints.

Soul Partners will also be shown in Hong Kong, Taiwan and Singapore... and on E22, along with the aforementioned Krymynalni documentaries, if someone decides to take up such a challenge for the new programme schedule.

Is it a sign of the times, or at least of our insular mentality, that in Malta we still have a series that provides us with the warts and all, morose Maltese version of Neighbours, whereas the ones that had only 'friends' folded after not too many seasons?