Horse and carriage

Love and marriage do not go together like a horse and carriage as much as they used to. There is an inclination to shun marriage among the young. A major reason is the growing number of failed marriages. Separations within a few months of marrying are creating apprehension about the marriage commitment. The increasing call to introduce divorce is another part of this reality scenario.

Some discuss divorce as a legal right, or as a means to demonstrate that we can be as liberal as any country in the EU. Also, individuals who have separated from their spouses, or who live a marriage sham, are demanding legislation to allow for divorce. Early marriage breakdown and the call for legal divorce provisions influence the young into thinking that marriage is a risk they would rather not take.

Marriage is, indeed, a risky affair. Two individuals, with their different make-up, unite till death does them part. That is why no one should enter into a hasty marriage, for whatever reason, including sexual relations that lead to pregnancy. Paradoxically, the growing tendency not to think twice about having sex before marriage should - in that restricted sense - help to make for a stronger marriage bond. A couple who have also come to know each other in the biblical sense before marriage, perhaps also cohabited on and off, should have extended their knowledge of each other as a couple.

That notwithstanding, too many marriages are losing the shine of a pre-marriage relationship, giving the lie to those who argue in favour of such a build-up to marriage irrespective of the moral implications. Much too frequently the conclusion is not that, after all, one had better abstain before marriage, but - why abstain, why marry anyway?

It seems odd that these issues, typified by a demand for divorce legal provisions, seem to have surged to the fore in the few days that Mgr Paul Cremona has become Malta's new Archbishop. In his encounters with the public under the glare of television cameras, he has been showered with questions on divorce.

That was evident last week in his encounter with children on Xarabank, and with young men and women on One TV. In replying to rather grown-up probing by children, Archbishop Cremona was appropriately cautious. On One TV his older audience offered him the opportunity to be more direct. He made two points which signal how he will deal with the situation as it evolves.

He pointed out the reality of the Church in a plural society. The Church has its rules, and its members are bound to obey them, though those who do not will not lose the embrace of love epitomised by the new Archbishop. It will not tell the government what to do. That, clearly, is a carefully thought out position.

The second point seemed totally impromptu, springing out of Mgr Cremona's heart. Don't speak only of marriage failures, he appealed with passion. Speak of the many marriages that succeed, despite whatever difficulties a couple has to surmount. It is a simple point, yet so true. Talking about divorce as a legal right in a pluralistic society is one thing.

Emphasising that marriage can succeed, and the great majority do, is a far deeper thought. Deep enough to build on it a firm foundation of the positives in marriage relationship where a couple do know what it means to take each other for better or for worse.

That is the major contribution towards a fresh start made by Patri Cremona so far. And he wasn't smiling when he made it. He was very clearly full of heartfelt concern shared by many others.