Laughter the worst medicine

They say that Tonio Fenech stands a good chance of being the next PN leader when his boss stops laughing - or because his boss will not stop laughing. Probably Mr Fenech has realised the advantage of projecting himself as more calm, disciplined and serious-looking - as one can see from his steady gait and reflexive physiognomy. At the same time, if he aspires to leadership, Mr Fenech could do with a bit of upbranding in other departments.

For example, in an article in another paper titled No Bad Intent on October 30 (and politicians must be smarter than simple columnists like the undersigned), I came across expressions like "financially stability", "there where" [Tut tut Mr Fenech!], and "as explained at the same table" (referring to a printed table, not a dining one) etc.

Also, the discussion about the possibility or someone's covert intent that several half-truths may add up to one whole truth is not very clear and had best be discarded.

Upsmarting could also be practised in TV appearances. In one case Mr Fenech wrestled linguistically with Charles Mangion (Smash TV) and continuously grabbed his arm - transforming the politically-linguistic into a gripping political reality - which is unnecessary in smart politics, especially since it reminds one of Twist and Shout.

Ideally, a prospective leader must be better than a predecessor - even if it is by far not the case in the present PN. In certain aspects, however, this is not difficult for Mr Fenech - considering the unsmart performance of his boss replying in Parliament to the Leader of the Opposition. I do not understand the strategy of Lawrence Gonzi laughing most of the time when laughing only some of the time is more effective. Worse than this was the turning round physically towards his colleagues to see if they were laughing at his humour, as if to check on their facial cooperation and indirectly declaring: "Am I not sweet?" The close-ups on their faces revealed forced grins but no laughter. Could it be that some people laugh alone while their listeners do not find the "jokes" funny?

In any case the laughter subsided when Dr Mangion hurled a repartee. Could it be that people laugh most when they believe themselves to be in a situation where they cannot be contradicted?

At one moment, and the recording of the proceedings probably still exists, Dr Gonzi made the interesting lapsus of calling the Maltese people "My people". Now I am not an avid listener of speeches, but I think that the last time I heard someone say "My people" was a certain Christian Democrat pioneer called Moses (the surname I have forgotten) who led his people out of Egypt. The only difference is that Mr Moses had all his people behind him and did not have the problem of having lost four consecutive local council and Euro Parliament elections, ending up with only about 40 per cent of "his people".

But Dr Gonzi is not pessimistic and believes in divine intervention for solutions, repeating the political prayer of Jekk il-Bambin irid (If baby Jesus wills it). The baby reference is extended to the interpretation of charts. When referring to the columns or bars in his graphics, Dr Gonzi said that one of the columns "could have gone up to the ceiling of this chamber". That completes the picture of political maturity, doesn't it?

I believe that Mr Fenech will not find it difficult to outsmart and outbrand this kindergarten behaviour.

Chanelle

A young lady named Chanelle told me that her French teacher used to tell her in class Bonjour Coco Chanel - an obvious reference to the Maltese word which made her classmates laugh and which irritated her. Chanelle now hates French. In my opinion this teacher is a bully and should not even be doing the job of a parody of an educator.

Dingoes

It is easy to guess when an election is approaching. The human dingoes, the scarecrows, the zombies and the hyenas stuff their Christianity into their skeleton cupboard and hurl personal attacks at Alfred Sant.

Environmentalists' agenda?

Environmentalists resisting the chopping away of large chunks of the countryside were accused of having a political agenda. This accusation was later unsmartly modified by the explanation that the agenda could be pro-conservative and pro-capitalist. Very thickly funny. Tickle me so I'll laugh!

Viagran interludes

I can understand Dr Sant's joke about Viagra after hearing Dr Gonzi repeat ad nauseam that the government is decided on being firm and successful. Some delicate, fragile, scrupulous Tartuffes were shocked at this. And I thank the devil for preaching chastity.

Merry men

The oft-repeated expression "Dr Sant and his merry men", used by conservatives who possibly phone each other to decide on their theme for the next weeks, seems to have died down when a new intelligent, strategic network of phone calls decided that this could insult gays - who know too well it is always and everywhere the left that defends their rights; and the political right that's hostile to them.

Choosing a lawyer

A trade union normally offers collective legal advice to its members on industrial matters. If there is a problem with management, they don't find a different lawyer to represent them and ask their union to approve of him. This seems to have happened some time ago. One is rarely justified in choosing one's dinner from two different menus.

PN moving left?

An independent journalist with a great big conservative bias wrote recently about Dr Gonzi: "...in a triumphant optimistic speech reminiscent of British Prime Minister Tony Blair's address to British Labour Party Conference". I think that the "journalist" meant "triumphalist" and must have been chided by his discreet party for praising a conservative by comparing him to a socialist.

In agreement with Dalli

I will probably be told again that I am a John Dalli admirer - which is far from the case. But I definitely admire some of his wisdom. In The Sunday Times (October 30) he said: "The people have to discard rhetoric, histrionics, subterfuges and manipulation and decide in favour of steady and capable management in the government they elect". I cannot agree more with this, especially knowing how unfairly Mr Dalli was treated. This advice was crowned by a more direct one during Mr Dalli's interview on a recent One TV programme: "The PN must become more popular". Indeed, ask Moses. Or else, consult the secret post mortem PN internal reports by independent commissions which arrived at the same conclusions.

Lost Lm88 million

It seems, either due to laughter or to graphics being unrecognisable as they reached the chamber of deputies' ceiling, that the budget speech mentioned a deficit figure that should have or should not have (according to the way you look at it) included the petty cash of Lm88 million. If this sum is recovered, it should be invested in a new company - Helicopter Malta - which will be ours (but directed by a clever foreigner) and which will not give two departure intentions to two ministers and a third one to the PM.

Dr Licari teaches psycholinguistics, sociolinguistics and geolinguistics at the Department of French of the University of Malta.