I didn't watch Doctor Alfred Sant making his alternate Budget Speech. After all, I didn't watch the Prime Minister so why should I watch the Wannabe Prime Minister? It's not as if he was the consummate artiste or anything, after all.

But thanks to the excellent di-ve.com, I got a small smidgen of the dear chap's ideas about the budget, about what "a future Labour government would do" and about what the present Labour non-government thinks.

So, according to Doctor Alfred Sant, whose notions were no doubt bucked up by a good dose of the medicinal with which he associated the PM's budget last week, a "future Labour government" would stick to the present government's time-table for joining the euro.

Now there's an original thought. When you think about it, from Doctor Alfred Sant's point of view, this is an astoundingly original idea. This is the fellow who, on getting well and truly creamed in the referendum on the question whether Malta should join the European Union, went on to persist in his diabolism by saying that when the Labour Party won the general election that immediately followed the referendum, the result of the latter would be nullified by the former, leading to Malta's entry into the EU being put off once again, this time for keeps.

Well, we all know what happened to him then and we all know what would have happened had he not persisted in the diabolical error of his ways: had Doctor Alfred Sant said "Oh well, I'll respect the will of the people and we'll join the EU when we get elected" it would hardly have been worth having an election at all. To be even more positive about being elected, the Labour Party should have ditched the Harvardian One and got someone like Dr George Abela to take the helm, but that's by the by and water under the bridge.

They still have the chance to do this little thing, of course, but the window of opportunity is rapidly slamming shut. Far be it for me to seek to interfere in the inner machinations of the MLP, anyway, and I won't be thanked for putting such heresies about, so I'll shut up about it. For now, anyway.

Getting back to what the Labour Party would do if we handed them the keys to Castille, apparently they would cap the surcharge, fight inflation and generally turn the country into an economic paradise. Of course, the devil is in the detail, wearing Prada or not, and Doctor Alfred Sant sought to avoid raising Beelzebub, since he forgot to give us any details as to which buttons he would press on his calculator in order to get anywhere close to being able to pay for all of this.

The irony of it all is that Doctor Alfred Sant had the astounding gall, the sheer nerve, if you like, to call the Nationalist government one that governs by calculator, conveniently forgetting that this is exactly what he and his chaps had been accused of doing while they were in power during that little blip a few years ago.

Branding it

Doctor Alfred Sant, it would surprise you not at all to learn, also had words to say about the astounding waste of time and money that was the Brand Malta campaign. It's not that I don't agree with him on this, I think the campaign was pants (a new English expression, blowed if I know what it really means) but, as always, the MLP Head Honcho didn't give us any ideas about what he'd do to get it right or anything.

That's not something that blows my mind, of course, since all the MLP ever does is say that it will do something, and then promptly neglect to tell us what that something is.

That's not the point of this segment, anyway, since I think I've bashed at them enough for the moment. The thing is, I didn't get to watch Chelsea creaming anyone while writing this, since someone at Melita seems to have decided that Man U struggling to get the better of Crewe (for Heaven's sake) was more interesting to football lovers, so I'm in a bit of a ratty mood, which means I might get back to MLP-bashing if inspiration deserts me.

Brand Malta, however, is something that one can make noises about without anyone on the MLP side of the equation getting annoyed, though this is hardly a consideration that gives me pause.

I'm all for getting this place a decent image, and truth be told, when you land at Malta International Airport, you get quite a good feeling. A feeling which lasts, sadly, for not very long. Even assuming you get through baggage reclaim without the works that are going on being too annoying, as soon as you get outside the terminal, what do you get?

You get slovenly taxi drivers, touting for business, poised to charge you 20 or 30 quid for a 15-minute ride, when they're not quarrelling loudly with anyone who tries to exert some sort of authority and impose some sort of order, you get almost mown down by coaches and vans rocketing around trying to get as many trips done as possible and then, just to cap it all, in the car-park you get to look at the edifying sight of a wide-boy flogging mobile phones to punters out of the boot of his car.

This is just within a few hundred metres from the terminal, mark you.

Brand Malta? Yeah, right.

Not you, them

What is it about the Mifsud Bonnicis of this world? Do they have a political self-destruct mechanism or something, especially if they are Carmelos of that ilk?

No sooner had he massively teed-off the massed ranks of legal beagles by pointing his finger at lawyers and blaming them for the fact that the law grinds exceedingly slowly its marvels to achieve, than the Parly-Seccy fixed the judiciary in his basilisk-like gaze and started blaming them.

All he needs to do now is put the executive and administrative side of the triangle that operates within the law courts into the firing line and he'll have got himself a hat-trick. Oh, sorry, I forgot, that particular side of the triangle is immune, since it would be himself he would be immolating, being as he's responsible for the functionaries that ply their trade down Republic Street way.

The thing is, he's right, in a way. It is the fault of certain members of the judiciary that things in the courts move with glacier-like speed. It is also the fault of certain lawyers. It is also the fault of certain aspects of the administration.

But what possessed the Hon. Carmelo Mifsud Bonnici to blame first one and then the other for the delays and lay the full blame on both of them, leaving aside a certain lack of logic inherent in that way of doing things in the first place? As the man who is politically responsible for the administration of justice, whether he likes it or not, would it not have been more constructive to bring together the players, in a non-confrontational forum, to establish what is needed to get things moving?

After all, no one, not even a Mifsud Bonnici, knows everything about everything and, frankly, some of the ideas that have been put about border on the ludicrous.

Just to give you a fr'instance or two: who thought up that sublime idea of letting clients apply directly to the Chief Justice to have their judge changed and who, for the sake of all that's holy, got the notion that lawyers would take kindly to being forced to give free service? Pro bono is something most of them do from time to time, but as free professionals, most of them bridle at being told what to do by their spouses, so you can imagine what they thought of being told what to do by a government that is responsible for providing legal aid in the first place.

Don't rush it

Happenstance took me to two eateries last week that matched each other in various aspects.

On Thursday, a few like-minded gentlemen took themselves to Serafino, in Sliema (and forgive me if the spelling is wrong) and partook of a very good dinner. The company was good and the food better: the only problem was, and a minor problem it was, really, that the food took a bit of time in coming. The quality of the service was excellent, it was just the speed with which the nosh made its way to our table that was a tiny bit annoying.

But don't let that put you off trying the place out, because the food really is worth the wait and, after all, it might just have been one of those nights.

Lulu's, in Paceville, has been given the mother of all make-overs. From a pretty decent joint shoe-horned into the available space, the Pillows have done themselves up a purpose-built and bespoke designed restaurant that has moved into the upper echelons of where you'd go for a good feed. Again, the speed twixt kitchen and table was a touch lacking but we were unlucky in that three large parties had rolled up at the same time, which stretched the hash slingers a bit. Again, again, though, the fare was well worth the wait and then some, even if the bread one uses to fill in the gaps was suffering by comparison.

A small gripe can be had, if one were to be annoyingly picky, about the acoustics, which don't seem to have been given the attention lavished on the menu and décor, but judicious sampling of the wine list soon deadens the sound.

Great place and I'll be back - there were plenty of things I wanted to try, but the rest of the party would have looked down their noses at me if I made them all order something different and nicked mouthfuls from their plates.