One of the comments that is often lobbed at my mum and my Aunt Stella is that they bear an uncanny resemblance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. They both have a stock reply to this, "...But you really ought to see our sister Viv..."
Back on August 28, our sister paper informed us that the Maltasong Board had announced the 14 finalists for the Junior Song for Europe festival "to be held on September 16 at Sir Temi Zammit Auditorium, at the University, Tal-Qroqq".
Came the day closer and the date, as well as the venue, changed. The contest was held in the disaster area also known as 'the theatre' in Valletta, on the premise that, like Everest, it is there so one might as well have a go at it. Ironically, though, in the broadcast the place was billed as Teatru Rjal.
Slightly before that, however, there was another titbit of gossip attached to this event. Board secretary Martin Gauci had issued a statement to the effect that two members of the board were going to be accompanying two participants, rather than their parents, because of what Robert Abela had termed "petty incidents similar to those that had happened last year".
From where I was standing it looked and sounded like a ruckus proper; why else would the police would have been involved? Moreover, was that the sound of equipment breaking? This is the type of "national importance" occasion that TVM is wont to broadcast for our predilection; a sheer waste of time, money and, to use a trite phrase, 'human resources'. I would rather have seen a Harold Lloyd film - at least, the danger-and-humour mixture there would have been intentional.
Meanwhile, the 12-year-old Young Talent Team member gone solo, Little Miss Bay Street Sophie, did her Dakota Fanning-cum-Geri Halliwell It's Raining Men bit, and predictably won... At least the real rain held; and yet the question that Michael Caine and Jude Law, both as Alfie, never answered, all those years ago, remains. What's It All About? One hopes that by the time Bucharest comes around, Sophie will have had elocution lessons.
Smash television, as I have often had cause to say, veers from the sublime (evangelical teachings) to the ridiculous (poker lessons) and back again. Now it has taken a leaf out of Ali & Liz's and Lou Bondì's books, and reprinted it (in a manner of speaking) as a virtual reality set. This is an expensively cheap way (or is it cheaply expensive?) of creating sets where none exist.
Ironically, this coincides with the introduction of a 7 p.m. news bulletin; so may one assume that was the reason why the only programme worth watching on this station so far had been Alfie Fabri's Fluke?
Good wine needs no bush; however, it is worth noting that there are three new programmes to watch out for on TVM, which will be in the capable hands of three of the best-loved personalities around.
The Breakfast Show, which will go on air live from 7 to 9 a.m. on weekdays, has been given the prosaic title Bongu! and apparently comes with a double guarantee; (i) people who have never wanted a television set in their bedroom or kitchen will now change their minds; and (ii) hitherto punctual people might just occasionally be late for work. John Bundy plays host within a veritable cornucopia of different topics, both fun and serious, in his inimitable way.
Another programme that is sure to grab people's attention is Eileen Montesin's Jukebox... rewind.
Featuring music from the Seventies and Eighties, it will ring the changes on the usual presentations of this genre by including Maltese music by icons such as Freddie Portelli, New Cuorey, Tony Camilleri, and so forth. This will be filmed at Tattingers Discotheque in Rabat, and will be broadcast on Saturday at 7 p.m., with a repeat the following Friday at 7 p.m. Being there is easy; but you have to obtain a free invitation first. So just call 2157-8026 to book a seat.
Also worth making time for is John Demanuele's Hawn Taht Jinsab, which, as the name implies, will focus on the legacy that the Knights of St John have left us. This 16-part series starts on Wednesday, October 4, and aims to bring to light hitherto untold stories.
Ten-minute teasers of the forthcoming Super One drama, Gizelle, are being screened on that station at around 7.20 p.m. It looks worth following.
The controversy about whether babies and toddlers are to be watching television at all is further fuelled by the introduction of an American (of course) Baby Einstein-type satellite channel.
As far as I am concerned, the only thing going for BabyFirstTV is that it contains no adverts - except the ubiquitous product placement that, for that matter, works subliminally on the minds and through the mouths of babes.
Indeed, Allen Kanner, child psychologist and co-founder of the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood filed a false advertising complaint with the Federal Trade Commission, in defence of "these wide-open, defenceless, clueless targets".
In defiance of the recommendation from the American Academy of Paediatrics, viz. that children under two never watch television, the channel is calling itself a 'learning experience'.
Just for the record, Katie Melua is not a 'kantanta ngliza'. She was born in 1984 in Tbilisi, Georgia (former USSR) and later moved to Batumi. The family only moved to Belfast when she was eight.... U issa, sinjuri, diska li zgur ser iggibilna memorji sbieh: The Door You Closed to Me.
Quotes of the week are two epithets describing critics, by Amanda McKittrick Ros, who will be 'celebrated' as "The World's Worst Novelist" on account of her opus Irene Iddesleigh at the John Hewitt Bar, Belfast, next Tuesday at 7.30 p.m. According to her, we are "clay-crabs of corruption" and "evil-minded snapshots of spleen", as part of the Literary Festival.