Defender of marriage

The new director of the Cana Movement, Fr Joseph Mizzi, is planning to strengthen its services in favour of married couples and the family as they come under growing threats. He spoke to Fiona Galea Debono.

"Many people do not have a clue of what marriage and a family are all about," maintains Fr Joseph Mizzi.

The Cana Movement has a unique mission in Malta to defend the two, he says of the venerable Church institution he has just been appointed to head.

People enter marriage with a "soap opera mentality", ready to pack up and go their own ways at the slightest hurdle. The minute they see that they do not agree, they think separation is the solution, says the man who has been entrusted to safeguard what are considered to be the pillars of Maltese society.

Cana, which recently celebrated its 50th anniversary, seeks to help couples prepare for marriage, strengthen it and cope with the difficulties that may come with it. Its role is to be the prime promoter of what marriage and the family really are, Fr Mizzi says of his mission, and he intends to adopt modern methods to convey the message loud and clear through every means possible.

"I still feel sad when I encounter so many people who have not understood the real concept of marriage. Their ideas are weak and their attitude is that separation is the solution. They do not realise how serious its implications can be: having to work to maintain two families; the burden that resettling involves; the problems of dividing belongings. They seem to have a just-do-it attitude and think it is a matter of switching on and off."

Fr Mizzi believes that the family is also under other forms of attack, a lack of proper and honest communication between couples being one of the major obstacles. A lack of maturity and common sense also pose a threat, while the interference of in-laws can be a problem too, with some parties remaining "mummy's boy, or girl".

"It is true that they should listen to their parents' advice, but at the end of the day, it is the couple who has to decide," Fr Mizzi advises.

Today, financial problems also play a part, causing a couple to work long hours and giving rise to stress, pressure, lack of communication once again and the possible interest in others that could lead to infidelity. And the chain goes on and on...

"Having different views does not necessarily mean the end of a marriage. It is not important that a couple does not agree; what counts is that they decide together.

"You simply cannot love someone for a while; if you love, you love forever and you only love that one person. This is the Cana Movement's philosophy on marriage, based on Christian inspiration.

"But what is happening today? People are being constantly bombarded by the media, soap operas etc... with the possibility of divorce. The media is painting marriage as a suffocating burden that reduces your liberty and stops you from being who you are."

But divorce, which attacks the fundamental principles of marriage, does not solve problems. On the contrary, it brings about fresh ones and is damaging to the individual, Fr Mizzi says. "Anyone who thinks their second marriage would be better is mistaken. There is no guarantee."

In touch with the marriage situation in Malta through first-hand experience at Cana since he was ordained priest in 1997, Fr Mizzi has moved from assistant director to the man in charge of the Movement that handles anything marriage-related, with a clear mission in mind - to come out into the open and protect the Maltese family through a proactive approach.

It is Cana's role to present marriage as "something beautiful", whereby the individual can continue to grow, develop fully and become a better person.

"There is a strong link between man's full development and his family background. Therefore, in safeguarding marriage and the family, we are helping the individual to reach his maximum potential, which indirectly leads to a better society. There is an indelible link between the family, the individual and society. So everything depends on the family.

"I simply cannot imagine Maltese society today without the family having its due importance. Society cannot be strong and united if the family is not helped."

But the protection of the family has to be continuous and not just constrained to the first eight sessions of the marriage preparation course. In fact, the Christian Family Movement continues to follow a couple after marriage and Cana course follow-ups have also been introduced for those who are not yet married, while ongoing training is offered during the marriage through monthly encounters.

These are held over a weekend and offer the couple (around 10 can join once a month) the opportunity to cut off from their home environment and reflect on their relationship and rediscover the true meaning of their marriage in peace and silence.

"The idea is to create a spiritual atmosphere, a quiet space in their lives where they can get in touch with themselves and spend time alone to see where their love is going."

Among its services on offer, Cana's 20 voluntary counsellors, who are about to be doubled, also work with, for example, separated couples and single mothers, offering support groups that are becoming more and more populated.

While strengthening the services on offer, Fr Mizzi is also looking at what else is required: "We are noticing that children of separated parents, who are often used as weapons in their hands, need lots of attention too."

Other potential new services include following those couples awaiting an annulment. "At the moment, they are not supported, and are lost and alone in silence - almost in limbo. The idea is to, at least, keep in contact with them and encourage them in a situation where they may feel helpless," Fr Mizzi says.

Last year, 150 annulment cases were decided, according to statistics. (More than half of these would have obtained an affirmative decision.) Until July, already 120 new cases have been filed.

"This is a reality and we have to look after those who have been waiting two to three years for a decision that could also be negative at the end of the day. In that case, they would need even more support. They are still full members of the Church, as long as they are living well."

Meanwhile, statistics from the civil court show an average of 500 decided separation cases a year.

What do these figures tell Fr Mizzi... apart from the fact that he has a lot on his plate? "We really have to take on our mission as defenders of marriage for the good of man and society. And sometimes, attack is the best defence. We have to be at the forefront."

Bearing this in mind and knowing that statistics can be alarming at first glance, he stresses on their need to be collected, studied and interpreted well. Hence, the setting up after the summer of an observatory of the family within the Cana Movement for research and the collection of exhaustive family-related data to be the subject of meetings, published and supplied to NGOs, the Church and the State.

The demand for Cana's counselling services - from its two psychologists and 20 counsellors - is constantly growing. Together they see around 70 new cases a month. But, alarming as these figures may be, Fr Mizzi is not pessimistic about the future of the family - "not because my head is buried in the sand, but because I know that no married couple wants to fail; many are making sacrifices and are committed to living their married life well.

"The Maltese family has always been the backbone of society and I am convinced that they love the family more than anything else."