Corrector's items - June 11, 2006

It's official. The Malta International Fashion Show, a co-production of Renaissance Productions Limited and TV Moda will be taking place with the associated television coverage, and subsequent publicity.

It's not that this type of activity rings my bells; it's more that I wish that all those concerned with the so-called "international coverage" obtained through sending just one singer to the Eurovision Song Festival would take a leaf out of this particular book, as I have often suggested.

Now, wouldn't it be luverly if the foreign songsters came to us, rather than allowing the current infantile situation to continue? We could lay it on rather thick with the money that we would have saved from travelling to and fro on publicity stints and stunts.

Just think of how much more money we could save; a couple of furlongs' worth of carpet could then be hired out to all those who wish to organise an award ceremony for whichever occasion that happens to flit into the mind of any organiser.

Every time I hear a record being played for the familjari of someone, I get visions of black cars, owls, bats, and other creatures of the night that are supposed to accompany witches and warlocks on their sojourns. Haven't we got the succinct vernacular familja to denote 'kin'?

I like my pizza without any frippery; it usually goes under the name of Margherita; yet I usually saw it on a placard described as "povera". This is better explained by comparison to the Pizza Fiorentina recipe given in Eat O'clock, in which kuccarina natmeg (sic) was one of the topping ingredients.

And while at the kitchen sink - I had my knives honed, and forgot all about it until I was boning the fish... when I nearly chopped off a finger or two. On television they do things differently - they pay extra-special attention to sharp knives. But they use the same chopping board for chicken, salami, meat, apple, cucumber, and oranges... just given a once-over with a dry cloth.

We also had a dish called Gordon Blue and Maltese recipes galore including mushrooms, and garlics (I kid you not).

On my wish list for Gateways of the Sea, apart from every success of course, is for them to change the name of the ship the company has just bought; anything will do, just as long as it's not Maltese Falcon. This would stop many of us gritting our teeth when commentators and newscasters alike mispronounce it yet again, although we would have pointed out the phonetic spelling to the relevant newsroom from what I fondly call the A-B-C-D, a couple of which do not know how to spell Independent. When will newscasters learn not to tell us "....what you can see here" if they mean their sound bite to be broadcast on radio too?

Meanwhile, speaking of newsrooms, I do hope that the Broadcasting Authority comes down - hard - on the person(s) who saw fit to include the word iddampja in last Tuesday's Radio 101 7 a.m. news bulletin... and not because it was atrocious Maltese, either.

Under the aforesaid heading comes the word "biswit" which has been repeatedly used to mean "near".

I am told that the programme with the misspelt name is over. Not knowing, or caring, who has won, I recall that Westway, the long-running BBC radio series, had actually set a competition for listeners to write the last episode, and actually get an all-expenses trip to see it being recorded. On the eve of the premiere of his Showtime series in 2001, singer Chris Isaak said that every American believes it a birthright to be on TV.

Judging by the look of it, the Maltese are not far off from this trend of thought.

In an exercise that where a round-the-block line of wannabes had to be whittled down to just ten people to take part in an ABC soap-cum-reality show, the idea was to find the team that would gel, and film them live. This is, of course, very, very expensive. But if a thing is worth doing, it's worth doing professionally, or at least well.

In Malta, one gets the impression that not even news bulletins are live; the talking heads appear so deadpan and automated that they could be androids lip-synching voice-mail.

Incidentally, it is high time that the news for the hearing impaired had the MSL synchronised with the spoken word; these still do not match and so we cannot assimilate as much vocabulary as we otherwise could have.

Quote of the week comes from the MTV Awards, where summer's Wedding Crashers last collected three trophies, including the Best Movie Golden Popcorn prize.

"For most people, playing a bipolar nymphomaniac would have been a challenge," Isla Lang Fisher said of her role in Wedding Crashers. "But I just played myself."