Vintage cars

Apparently this meeting to attempt a post mortem examination on a very pale conservative corpse of the local council elections was not a fleur d'harmonie at its best. First of all the Nationalist Party general secretary reportedly told the assembly that "if you want us to lose, then all you have to do is go and spread what has been discussed here". And presto the secret discussion found itself in a March 19 newspaper. I believe that this leaking business in the PN has gone too far (see the damaging report of the MEP elections post mortem) and a stop-leak strategy group should be set up. If this leaks from within too, then one might as well hold the PN secret post mortem meetings on the Floriana granaries or on TV during peak viewing time. The March 19 report also mentioned that the PM asked for a vote of confidence (Implying he was not sure of it? Have we come to this?) and "the rabble roared". Eeer, roared and leaked. As if the leaking was not enough, we now have continuous appeals, nay pleading, as in Gozo, for internal solidarity to be shown to the PM. I would definitely not wish to be on such a sinking ship.

Political anatomy

Come on, it's not the end of the world. All we have to do now is put our ears to the ground, our hands on our hearts, our noses close to the people's mouths and... our eyes behind our heads. These are resolutions we hear after each drubbing election. They are forgotten only a few days after people vote with their feet.

Simon and David

Some time ago, Simon and David, our minority representatives in Europe, wrote to me to invite me to some meeting. I have never spoken to these gentlemen in my life; yet they addressed me as "Dear Anthony". Next time they will be inviting me to a kirxa pie party -watered with leaked tears from Château Fleur du Mal 2006.

Fishermen in St Julians

Remove the boats and the fishermen and you no longer have a beautiful St Julians Bay. It appears that the space St Julians fishermen used to enjoy for their hobby and work, keeps shrinking due to dining chairs and tables placed all over the fishermen's manoeuvring area. Don't worry, just add one more blight to St Angelo, Kalkara, Qui-Si-Sana, Ix-Xaghra l-Hamra, Il-Munxar (St Thomas Bay), Marsascala and Ta' Cenc! Just carry on leaving destruction in your path and the lovers of Maltese heritage will bless you.

Hospital waiting rooms

Outpatients at some departments of St Luke's Hospital, named after a very efficient doctor, have been for many years asked to be in their waiting rooms early in the morning. If they are lucky, many will be seen to between four and five hours later. Surely the Minister of Health of this government cut off from the people has heard of the word "staggering" in the organisation of appointments. Perhaps he could take a break from writing articles obsessively mentioning the Leader of the Opposition dozens of times who knows why - and strangely arguing that a fourth-time winning coach should be removed while a fourth-time losing one must be retained. A better pastime for the Minister of Health would be picking up the phone to propose a rendezvous staggering among staggered outpatients. And humbly trying to understand why, according to his article of March 31, "public personae... are discounting any possibility of the PN winning another term".

Lazarus on my mind

The conservative media's intelligent strategy group has started mouth-to-mouth respiration with the EU membership campaign in an effort to reawaken the Lazarus killed in the local council elections. When all else has failed to convince, you even clutch to a transparent straw to avoid drowning.

The value of education

Education is a matter of discipline and harmony between all its shareholders: students, teachers, parents and educational administration. I have not recently seen sufficient harmony between the administration of education in Malta and educators. These have had to strike to protect their sanity and their very survival, not for some financial matter. This does not augur well at all, especially since we have been promised a more sensitive government following the bitter lesson the administration learned (or was supposed to learn) during the last elections. The last thing I thought I would see in Malta was friction between educators and the conservative government, especially since it's only relatively recently that Maltese educators are becoming like their European counterparts, adopting more social democratic values. It seems as if the government is continuously in a bad mood and quarrelling with everyone.

Proof of the pudding

On Sunday, March 26, I read two newspaper reports about the initiative of the Socialist group in the European Parliament, regarding the irregular immigrants problem in Malta. One journalist mentioned that the French Socialist MEP Martine Roure "met the Maltese Labour delegation and announced the PES initiative". Another "journalist" said nothing about the ideological origins of this initiative and, with puerile prejudice, simply and mysteriously said: "the group". Yes, but which group? The second journalist omitted the above reference, as it would have proved that the Maltese Labour MEPs deliver much better in Europe.

A simple proof of the pudding. This pudding of a journalist omitting part of the truth wrote just a piece of stale pudding. Which separates the adult journalists from the toddlers.

Joey's vintage car

The general secretary of the PN sometimes uses overwhelming arguments which I find extremely difficult to contradict. In the paper mentioned above, he is quoted as comparing his party to a vintage car. Now we are all Maltese and shouldn't be quarrelling all the time. So I will grant him this one.

But how can we not be confused when, later in Gozo, he said that the same party was in crisis? A vintage car in crisis, maybe? Please klaxon and get out of the way.

The cuddlies are coming

During the election post mortem examination held at Fleur du Mal (see above), an MP declared that "we must kokkolaw (cuddle) the Nats". It seems as if the intelligent strategy group will thus widen the circle of friends of friends and include a few more bazuzli (blue-eyed boys). These will be visited by the pre-election sentimental kokkolanti (cuddling) group.

Members of this group, on door-to-door visits, will warble a romantic poem and trill a ninna nanna (lullaby) to residents - who are again threatening to give a thumbs down (where their vote used to be). A soft toy will be distributed to these lost sheep, cuddled on knees, while cuddly words are poured into their ears.

Dr Licari teaches psycholinguistics, sociolinguistics and geolinguistics at the Department of French of the University of Malta.