I.M. Beck quote unquote

Is it just me, or are you sick of reading all the sob-stories about carnival being ruined by the weather? They're usually followed by some sort of heart-rending plea for protection to be supplied for the floats.

The thing is, carnival comes during this time of the year and until global warming takes hold and turns us into some sort of tropical paradise, there's going to be rain, wind and sundry other manifestations of lousy weather, leading to damage being done. It's no one's fault and the options are few.

For instance, you can do the darn fool thing Dom Mintoff's government had done and move carnival to May or June, thereby emasculating it completely. Just in case you've forgotten, carnival comes before Lent, that's the whole point of it and - hey - Lent comes about now and no edicts from Socialist (ha) control freaks is going to change that.

You could also move carnival out of the streets of Valletta and have it played out in some purpose-built exhibition hall or warehouse or something equally stupid. That will sound the death-knell of an already moribund event - it's already lost most of its spontaneity and fun as it is (look at the television coverage if you don't believe me) and shoe-horning the thing into a stadium will kill it off as surely as whatever it was killed off the dinosaurs.

If the people who enjoy carnival want to carry on enjoying it, has it occurred to them to make their floats and props out of stuff that doesn't fall to bits at the merest hint of a breath of air or drop of dew? OK, I'm exaggerating, but carnivals happen in other parts of the world where the weather is just a touch more miserable than ours (Venice springs to mind) and you don't get all this bleating all the time.

And while on the subject of carnival, might I ask a polite question, with absolutely no hope of getting an answer?

Etnika, a fine band of folk, were supposed to put on two nights' of not-exactly-mainstream street theatre during the Nadur Carnival. Anyone who has been to this event (the Nadur Carnival, I mean) will know that it's not mainstream itself. At least, it wasn't until the people who love organising things out of existence got their hands on it, but let's pretend it's still supposed to be an alternative to carnival as we know it in Malta.

So, with this thought in mind, it was with some mild interest that I took note of the fact that Etnika were going to perform and it crossed my mind that it mightn't be a bad idea to trek North to have a look.

For one reason and another, we didn't do that little thing and, begad, it was lucky we didn't, because some bright spark took it upon himself to cancel Etnika's Saturday show.

So here's the polite question: Why?

I've heard that whispers were whispered into the ears of those that decide such things that the show was full of ghouls and horrors and that the debbil-debbil was mentioned and that such things should not be allowed to see the gloom of evening in a God-fearing place such as Nadur, so the plug was pulled.

So here's the next polite question: Is this true? And another one: If so, why?

Dire straits

Some bright spark within the Valletta local council thought it would be not a bad idea at all to remove, at a stroke, as it were, half the parking bays in Strait Street and to reserve the rest for Valletta residents.

Sheer genius, of course: just ask the residents of Strait Street what they think about this. Most of them seem to have put two and two together and figured out that by halving the number of spaces available, the dear old council had actually diminished their chances of actually finding somewhere to park, to say nothing of making it illegal for their out-of-town relatives to park anywhere near them when they come a-visiting.

What was also a stroke of sheer genius was the day on which the council chose to shut off a goodly chunk of what little parking there is available in our esteemed capital.

You guessed it, folks, it was on the day public transport ground to a halt because the people who hold the ignition keys decided to show their power by stamping their feet (incidentally, please stay on strike, traffic flowed so much better) forcing more people than ever to come in by car.

Pity the poor wardens who had to explain that, yes, they knew there was a bus strike but they had their instructions and the council offices were still closed. Oh well, just so long as the council had all the necessary permits to do the job, that's all right then.

One hundred per cent

He's still doing it, you know. Doctor Alfred Sant, I mean. He's still going around telling anyone who'll listen that this local council got 86.758 per cent of its promises done (it's a Labour controlled council, of course) while that local council (perhaps you'd not be surprised to know that it's a Nationalist controlled one) failed miserably and only got 32.132 per cent of its promises fulfilled.

Quite apart from the sheer inanity of this type of comparison in and of itself, does the dear fellow even think anyone gives a bent thru'pny bit for his assessment of what's been done by which council and how well?

Since when has anyone given any credence to politicians' promises, anyway? Whether they're aspirants to local, national or supra-national government, candidates' utterances are always viewed with a healthy degree of scepticism by the people on the receiving end and if Doctor Alfred Sant thinks differently, then he's even more naïve than I've always suspected he was.

But then, he's the guy who is described by his adherents as the one who keeps his promises. He sure did, after the 1996 election: he removed VAT (and promptly put in CET, which made the whole exercise a bit pointless) and he froze the EU application (and we all know what the country thought of that).

So I suppose he'd give himself 100 per cent.

What will he give the Sliema local council, assuming just for the sake of argument that the MLP wins control, if it lives up to the promise made by Mr Martin Debono, a candidate, that he will eliminate the waist (yes, that's the spelling used) of public money by the council?

One hundred per cent, I suppose, if for nothing else, for the happy memories waist-paper baskets raise where Labour politicians are concerned.

Who was that man?

Doctor Alfred Sant, falling over himself to get some sort of positive spin out of the government's coup in attracting that mega-investment, said that a future Labour government will make sure that the investment is protected. Just to reassure all concerned, Doctor Alfred Sant told us that he had said this to a representative of the investors.

Leaving aside such snide remarks as people like me are wont to make on hearing this sort of thing, on the lines of please don't protect this industry, we all know what happens when the MLP in government tries its hand at protectionism, just who was he speaking to?

I only ask because it was made pretty clear by the government that it had been told by the investors that no one representing them had actually spoken to Doctor Alfred Sant. Then who did he speak to, pray tell?

One starts to wonder if the dear fellow believes everything people tell him all the time. Perhaps someone needs to make sure he isn't responding to faxes from Nigeria and e-mails telling him he's won a lottery he hasn't even entered.

Fusion for me

Ignore the horrendous crypto-totalitarian architecture of the housing project that sits on City Gate just after you cross over from the St James' Cavalier side and park just before you turn down towards Old Bakery Street. Go down that rather steep flight of stairs where the sign says Fusion 4, hoping that there's room for you at the inn.

Have a drink in the rather fine bar. Take a look at the quirky but surprisingly interesting museum. Catch your breath at the amazing location of the terrace overlooking the entrance into Valletta (it has the advantage of not being able to see the actual gate, horrid as it is).

Now sit down and eat what must be some of the best food available at the moment, while you are served by a friendly and efficient staff. While you're at it, admire the excellent conversion job and furnishing. I was there doing this for lunch on Friday and dinner on Saturday: if it was good enough for me, it should be good enough for you.

Now thank me for finding this place and telling you about it.

bocca@waldonet.net.mt