I have been busy mugging up on a number of "quotes" from some local "personalities" (and if I put in any more inverted commas I'm not going to have room for any text). But these quotes are not the usual dribblings of pearls of "perceived" wisdom from politicians and suchlike. No, these are the quotes we're never likely to hear from any single one of those "quoted".
A pity, in my opinion, since a few unguarded utterances from our movers and shakers, would be much more interesting than the usual trite garbage they spout. I mean for example, imagine, if you will, somebody like Grace Borg coming out with: "Francis Zammit Dimech? I just love that man to pieces." Got the idea? Cool, eh?
So here we go with an assortment of misquotes:
Let's start with the boss-man. And this is one thing you'll never hear:
"I admit it. Malta's economy is in deep s***" ...Lawrence Gonzi.
But we're not just going to quote politicians. There are lots and lots of tasty targets out there:
"You're absolutely right. My show is cheap, nasty, exploitative, garbage, which is why it is so popular" ...Rachel Vella.
"Oh sure... I'm as guilty as hell"....Zeppi l-Hafi.
"Malta is fully equipped to repel any attack from Al-Qaeda" ...Osama bin Laden.
"I really screwed up this country big time"...Dom Mintoff.
"The archbishop was right all along"...Mark Montebello.
"Father Mark was probably right all along" ...Archbishop Merceica.
"Of course I don't hold a grudge. On the contrary, I desperately want to be in Austin's good books" ...Marlene Mizzi.
"I'm only in it for the photo ops" ...Giovanna Debono.
"This apartment is an overpriced jerry-built hellhole, four miles from the sea, overlooked on all sides, with no parking. Oh yeah - and the roof leaks"... timeshare tout.
"Our in-flight catering is the envy of our competitors such as Air Mali, Turkmen Airlines and Air Somalia... so there!" ...Lawrence Zammit.
"Tender? Yes, of course our chickens are tender" ...Andrew Agius Muscat.
"A woman's place is in the kitchen" ...Pamela Hansen.
"Malta's hunters are an undisciplined, uncaring, law breaking, anarchic underclass" ...Lino Farrugia.
"I resign!" ...Alfred Sant.
"Happy? Yes of course I'm happy. I've now got the cushy job in Brussels I've been after for years" ...RCC.
"My biggest problem is that I'm far too self-effacing and introverted" ...Lou Bondì.
"The team was always total crap, is crap now and always will be crap" ...the current Malta national football coach.
"See, I said you should have chosen me" ...Johnny Dalli.
"As a tourist destination Malta is probably second only in quality and value for money to Mogadishu"...Romwald Lungaro Mifsud.
"Come to Paceville, Malta's money pit" ...Philip Fenech.
"Being loud and offensive is not a crime, you know" ...Manwel Cuschieri.
"Smoking kills, but don't tell anyone, eh" ...Andrew Borg Cardona.
"Verbal diarrhoea? What's that?" ...Toni Abela.
"We've known it for years - estate agents are licensed bandits." ... Chris Grech... et al.
"I entirely agree, sweetie. We are second only to Tista' Tkun Int in regurgitative TV" ...Joseph Curmi.
"Environment? What environment?" ...George Pulliccino.
"I have dedicated my life to producing quality TV" ...Eileen Montesin.
"How dare you mention my Nigerian grandmother?" ...Norman Lowell.
"No, that hole in my foot was not caused by a self-inflicted gunshot wound" ...Tony Zarb.
"Sure I know all about Malta... Um... OK go on, remind me!" ...George W Bush.
"The EU is a total con... but I'm not complaining 'cos it pays well" ...Simon Busuttil.
"I truly welcome Ryanair, Easyjet and even Robbie Borg!" ...Air Malta's chief executive.
"Why shouldn't the proletariat (whatever that is) be forced to watch opera?" ...Anna Mallia.
"Come ashore and welcome... the more the merrier" ...Philip Beattie.
"Relatively speaking, Alfred Sant is an absolute pussycat" ...Daphne Caruana Galizia.
"For Malta, my dearest little brother, I give you all the oil you want... and for free" ...Muammar Gaddafi.
"Ambitious, moi?" ...Austin Gatt.