Thanking the nation

Following the revelation that flowers cannot grow in Parliament, we now have it from a back-bencher that the opposition does not come up to his psychiatric expertise's expectations. This declaration must be taken with all the seriousness it deserves. Measures must be taken to control this danger. Members of the opposition should be made to wear strait-jackets outside Parliament. These must only be removed during parliamentary sessions and put back on again before the honourable adversaries are allowed to leave Parliament - as is done in the case of handcuffed prison detainees invited to a court session.

When experts generously mingle their expertise with their political emanations, the country must thank them for doing two jobs while being paid for only one. Berserk attempts at reducing one's anxious political panic by throwing all in one's hands at adversary windmills as an excellent defence mechanism have, of course, nothing to do with it.

In agreement with MUT

I am in full agreement with the MUT's complaints regarding discipline in schools. Over the years this has gone overboard. Subjects were once called "disciplines". Where there is no discipline there are no subjects. Often teachers become baby-sitters and spend half their time trying to cajole quasi-delinquents into civilised behaviour. Worse than this, they often have to behave as policemen without powers. This situation is surely unacceptable. It is a waste of precious time and money the country needs as educational investment - which is so often mentioned as the solution to all the country's problems. If many teachers dread waking up in the morning and anxiously approach their place of work not knowing what will happen that day, the time has come to apply zero tolerance to a situation which is not producing much development and even less harmony among educators who have chosen the progress of their country as a painful profession. Above all, people who write to papers excusing school delinquency as 50 years ago they were ill-treated by one teacher could come down to modern reality.

But you're welcome, dear

In a post-CHOGM statement, your and my Prime Minister issued a declaration directed at all of us and thanking the nation, this time without using metallic language, for the good show we produced. I was particularly embarrassed by the exaggerated praise you and I received at the conclusion of Dr Gonzi's statement: "You have been living proof that Malta's greatest resource is indeed the creativity, integrity and outstanding work of our people". Judging from the past, when the expression "for our children" had to be taken with loads of pinches of salt, or in consonance with the restrictive aspect of "our children", the inclusive "our people" also tends to receive a blitzkrieg of salt-flakes. But let's be optimistic and hope for a wider inclusion of "our people" and a better appreciation of "Malta's greatest resource" - independent of politics. For which, this people, in turn, thanks you in advance, dear Lawrence.

When the right attacks the extreme right

When rightists, conservatives and capitalists attack the extreme right, I don't believe a word of it and I think that it's all hogwash. Since time immemorial, racism and xenophobia have always been the target of the left - which militates (excuse the Maltese dirty word!) for equality of individuals, cultures, races and ethnic groups. Look at the best intellectual leftist writers and you will easily see they are the ones who persistently condemn racism. So when I see far right people expressing shock and horror at xenophobia, I think of gothic crocodiles endeavouring to chirp romantically in alto voices through their fabricated tears.

6,000 obese people

A journalist, whose objectivity I used to respect, wrote that during the GWU protest meeting in Valletta, there were 6,000 people. I believe that this journalist deserves two gold medals - one for each objective journalistic eye. For let's look at the thing arithmetically - if not geometrically. The crowd was between Valletta Gate and the law courts. (The Sunday Times, December 4, stated "Mr Zarb, possibly carried away by the size of the crowd..."). In this space I suppose there are a few thousand square metres of road surface. Now, dear gold medal journalist, how many people can you fit into, say, 10 square metres of road? I guess you will tell me: "Depends on their waistline". Exactement! If it's 30 inches, a few tens would perhaps fit in. If it's 50 inches, only a few individuals would fit in. So this is what must have happened. All the people present at this meeting were terribly obese.

The flu is with us

The dreaded flu is with us. Let us pray. It was announced in Parliament that the Labour flu is with us. This solemn and tragic announcement was made recently by a parliamentary secretary who is apparently a good organiser of religious retreats. And it sent the population into a hurry-scurry mode to find ways of protecting itself from the destructive virus that could decimate the population. This is not a flu that you catch when you are in the labour room struggling to have a baby who does not want to be born under a Nat government. No this is a malady you catch if you refuse to say that you are not living better - better than lizards, better than cockroaches, better than rats. Medical statements of this type are necessary and the fact that they are made in Parliament is a good thing, for we learn of impending dangers directly from the horse's mouth. (No reference to the parliamentary secretary.)

Who destroyed HQ?

This is not an enigma from a James Bond film but from local reality. When I saw the razed PN HQ recently, I asked myself: "Have we come to this? To terrorism? To the destruction of political property representing moral propriety? This type of shameful anti-social behaviour must be nipped in the bud before it spreads like wildfire and destabilises our democratic society.

A thorough investigation must be set up immediately and the whole population must bring forth its suspicions. If you ask me, I think that it could have been Tony or Fred, as these are real troublemakers and not some figment of demonisation. And, please, don't try to excuse them by saying that the HQ was destroyed on purpose to make way for a multi-million liri new HQ. For in this day and age of crushing water and electricity surcharges who would have the cheek and cynicism to spend millions?

While on terrorism

There is at last an improvement in demi-christian perception of the Leader of the Opposition. At one time he was considered dangerous - until he had a chat and a drink with the courageous PM at Naxxar - which reassured one and all that the former dangerous man had become safe. Nat media have now embarked on a new perception. To avoid u-turns, the "dangerous" brainwashing has been discarded. Enter the mysterious.

Some brainwave media promoter of pathos found a photo in which Dr Sant appears in front of a conference title ending with a question mark. The brain power of the media man could not resist the childish impulse and decided to use the question mark to associate the man with mystery. Could puerility stoop lower? Hardly.