Screen testy

There was a time when the acronym MTV meant Malta Television, rather than what it does now, that newscasters were the epitome of elegance during broadcasts; the trend gradually disappeared, and today, power dressing appears to be the order of the day for some, whereas smart-casual passes muster for others.

On Christmas Day, Miriam Dalli, straight out of Vogue, broke the exclusive of the Maltese version of Not Without My Daughter; by Boxing Day the child was back home, thanks to some nifty, crafty, footwork.

Ironically, the series Desperate Housewives has acquired a new name in China - with the adjective becoming 'Crazy' in Mandarin. Moreover, according to Qin Mingxin, deputy director of the international department of the state-run station's Entertainment Programme Centre, some of the sex and violence have been sanitised out of Wisteria Lane, so that the CCTV8 channel could air the entire first season in seven days, with three shows playing back-to-back every night.

The first dubbed episode, aired on December 19, was just under three minutes shorter than the original; out had gone lingering love scenes involving a dining room table and also some of the crime-related violence; some of the double-entendres are of course lost in translation, and some of the language had to be doctored before it was vetted, with 'unwholesome influences' being the reason cited.

In the press release by Touchstone Television, it was stated inter alia that "Quality productions with fantastic storytelling transcend culture and language; fans worldwide relate to these characters... It is a truly unique series and a worldwide phenomenon..." and more similar hype. Oops. The icing on the cake is that come (came!) 2006, local versions of Desperate Housewives will go into production across five countries in Latin America. What's to bet that some scriptwriter in Malta is already following suit?

Incongruously, also in China, Warner Bros Entertainment has released more than 125 films on DVD, at prices comparative to those of pirated copies, in an effort to stem losses from counterfeits (again, why this has not yet been done in Malta eludes me).

I cannot understand, either, why what would have been dead air is sometimes filled with a plethora of regulation 30-second promotions for certain programmes (several times for the same ones), and at other times - this happens mostly on radio - snatches of music are utilised instead. The only reason I can conjure up is that it all depends upon who would be the production officer/duty announcer at the moment.

Smash station occasionally throws out an excellent programme to make up for the rubbish it airs the rest of the time. A case in point was the Christmas Day (repeat of an) interview with Fr George Dalli. For text, he used the passage about how we must turn the other cheek. The upshot was that doing this is not a sign of weakness; rather, it indicates inner greatness.

With English as our second language, most of us manage to hold a coherent conversation with foreigners; it is also possible to be passably understood by people of other nationalities if one goes about it the right way.

Unfortunately, French is not everyone's cup of tea; so this week, we have seen a profane interjection used in an advertisement (in the printed media); and a group of pre-pubescent kids stomping about to the tune of Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?

Incidentally, the first word of the Hail Mary in Maltese is not Sliema - that's a place-name - but Sliem, sometimes with the article included.

This week, an interviewer was showing a selection of books; one of them, he deemed 'old' because Cordina's Emporium telephone number had 'just' five digits; the interviewer, usually so quick off the mark, probably does not know that "Central" numbers originally had one less.

In another interview, last Tuesday, it was said that children would not be able to take advantage of what had just been relayed, since they would just be returning home from school; rather than apologising for the mistake on the morrow's continuation, the presenter said that the topic was a good one for children to heed.

Anything Super One can do, TVM can do better; this time, on Christmas Day if you please, they 'hid' a man's identity by digitally concealing his face - and subsequently giving his name, airing footage of the place of residence of his children and their mother, and also of the number plate of his car. They also filmed him from behind - so that his distinctive hairstyle was plainly visible to all.

Later on, in a news item about how Midnight Mass was central to the day's celebrations, the Station of the Nation reused the clips of the altarboy practising his sermon, and the preparations for the said Mass. Were there not one cameraman, one soundman, and one journalist to zip to one of the many hundreds of churches in Malta and compile a few minutes' worth of film and commentary?

I waited and waited for Gwida to explain why Baqghu Maltin had gone off the air for a while (it is to resume today, alternating with Waltzing Matilda), but it was only in this week's issue that a write-up was printed.

Doris Zammit is back from her three-month Harold Scorey scholarship at the London Academy of Television, Film and Visual Arts. The continuation of the series will go further afield than the first programmes did.

I have said this before, and I will say it again; the aforementioned programmes require days of research and weeks of travel. This should not be translated simply into an original airing and three repeats; all four broadcasts have an atrocious placing in the PBS/E22 schedules. How about letting them go out in prime time, instead of some banal repeats?

The wealth of the language gives us different words for 'drowned' and 'damned'; two for 'period of time' and 'actual time' and another pair for 'gathered' and 'collected'. Is it not a pity that even past masters at broadcasting ('mistresses' sounds naff) think nothing of interchanging them?