Giving up to gain all - a nun's story

Imagine a life where money has no significance and financial concerns simply do not feature; where material objects have no value and the bulk of everyday problems ceases to exist; where it is all about giving up everything for Christ, but it does not feel like you are giving up anything.

This is life according to 21-year-old Melissa Sultana from Gozo and 24-year-old Dorianne Schembri from Siggiewi, who recently embarked on an eight-year process to become nuns.

Theirs is a simple and peaceful existence, where there is only one He, with a capital H, and prayer is the only fuel that propels them forward through life's roads.

Melissa and Dorianne are among a group of eight girls who are in what is known as the "formation" stage at the Ursuline Convent in Sliema. They will be spending the next two years as postulants, another as novices, and five years as junior sisters before reaching their ultimate goal.

And they are eager to achieve it; excited about their future.

Initially shy to be talking to a stranger, Melissa and Dorianne soon warm up and get into it, trying to explain why a woman would want to become a nun - a mystery to many.

It is not like they just fell into the role, they admit. Both girls had been thinking about it for years before they took the decision. "But, fundamentally, it is in you," they claim.

Melissa, who is probably less sociable, was a facilitator before she joined the formation group, and Dorianne had graduated from university and was a teacher, so she had to give up not only her family, but also her career.

Nevertheless, they do not feel like prisoners in the convent. "I used to come here as a helper and now I am just more committed," Dorianne says.

Before, the girls used to work for money, but now they do not... And they do not care about it either!

"We do not have to hassle with banks and about what we want to buy. We have what we need and we are not worried about what we wear," they say.

While Melissa was never interested in boys, or make-up, Dorianne used to go to Paceville and had a boyfriend at one point. "But I can live without all that," she maintains. At most, she misses her friends as she does not see them much.

"You reach a point where you feel that there is more to life," she continues.

Family and friends may not have taken their decision too well initially. "They were pleased, but could not understand why we were leaving home. Our life is simply different from theirs," they attempt to explain.

"You get used to living in a community and you feel welcome," Melissa recounts of her experience so far. She has no doubt that she will make it through the eight years ahead, what with all the decisions she has taken and the preparation she will go through.

How do they view their future? Almost in unison, as though they have studied the answer by heart, but still convincingly, Melissa and Dorianne say they are "leaving it in His hands in the hope that we will continue to do what He wants from us and continue to recognise our calling more and more".

Their words of advice to women who are toying with a vocation: "Be courageous and do not give up even though it may not be easy in the beginning. When you take the decision and settle down, everything falls into place. Like getting married, you have to think about it."

Both Melissa and Dorianne feel a happiness that cannot be described. "We were always thinking and talking about the convent when we went home. It was always on our minds... It is hard to explain."

It is, indeed, also hard to explain the satisfaction derived from helping children who lack the love they received from their own families; the satisfaction derived from seeing them smile.

Founded in 1887 by Mgr Isidor Formosa, the Maltese congregation includes 102 Ursuline sisters in the various homes - the mother house and crèche in Sliema and three other homes for older children, which together cater for a total of 150.

At the crèche, the nuns get to use their maternal instincts, dedicating most of their day to the 52 babies under four years of age, who come from families with various problems, including drug addiction, alcoholism and separation.

Sr Valerie Farrugia, who is in charge of the formation group, says there is no waiting list and that the crèche tries to accommodate anyone who knocks at its door. The babies move on to the other homes for older children and some may even get adopted. But adoption is becoming rare in Malta, she points out.

"Most families do not want to give up their children, which is positive in a way. But, on the other hand, it is not good for those who remain in the homes."

Are they like their own children? "They are our children!" In fact, every sister has a particular baby to whom she gives individual attention, which is considered to be essential for the child.

New young blood is important in the convent because the work of the Ursuline sisters involves dealing with children and, therefore, requires energy, says Sr Valerie, stressing the "importance of continuing the work entrusted to us by our founder".

But the number of sisters may dwindle due to a lack of vocations. Over the last six years, between one and two girls have joined the formation group every year. And, every now and again, some drop out...

Vocations have decreased, especially among females, Sr Valerie points out. "It is probably because families are no longer that numerous and perhaps more attention is being given to pursuing a career and carrying on with studying - not that nuns necessarily stop their studies - or because it is considered to be a waste of a life.

"A vocation entails a strong commitment, but the fear of commitment, even in marriages, is becoming stronger," Sr Valerie points out.

Having said that, the lifestyle of the Ursuline sisters, who are dedicated to taking care of children, still attracts young girls. Over the last eight years, efforts have been made to encourage them to come and spend time with the children at the crèche. Groups of students, called helpers of the child Jesus, aged between 12 and 24, often spend weekends, weeks, and sometimes even entire summers at the convent, living, praying and enjoying recreation time with the nuns. Vocations can result from these experiences, Sr Valerie says.

"We don't expect all of them to join us, but the experience helps them anyway in their futures; it instils Christian values in them, which can help them at any stage of their lives...

"One of the main qualities that a prospective nun needs is a lot of generosity to give up everything - her career and her family. It is about giving up everything for Christ."

According to Melissa and Dorianne, the lack of vocations is due to the fact that some people may not rise to the challenge. "Jesus keeps on calling, but it is up to you to accept."