Cross dressing

"Oh yes, come in, Ms Parnis, and close the door behind you. Well... Ms Parnis, what can I say? As you must appreciate, this is a very serious situation you've managed to get yourself into and I shall have to deal with it accordingly".

"I... "

"Yes?"

"No... nothing, Mr Pace Bannister."

"Yes, this is a situation into which you, and you alone, have got yourself... And one in which you leave me no choice but to act decisively and fairly... with the emphasis on the word decisively. Do you have anything to say in mitigation?"

"I... I'm deeply sorry, Mr Pace Bannister. I had no idea I was acting in contravention of the bank's rules."

"You do of course realise that these rules, as you call them. I prefer to say code of living, apply to each and every one of the bank's employees, including myself as your manager. You know the consequences of infringing these laws, don't you?"

"I - "

"Precisely! Break the bank's laws, Ms Parnis... and you're in deep... excrement! No excuses, no second chances. Screw up at Bank of Cospicua and the sentence is laid down in the statute of the bank. I hope I make myself clear."

"Yes, I... "

"But before I pronounce sentence I have to tell you that your particular transgression is probably as serious a crime... and I use the word crime advisedly... as serious a crime as I can remember being committed in the whole of my, dare I say distinguished, 29 years of service with the bank. But I like to think I am a fair man, Ms Parnis. Hard but fair. So I'm prepared to listen to your side of the story. Go on, woman... don't be afraid!"

"Well, I... I honestly had no idea I was breaking any rules."

"Not rules, Ms Parnis... laws. Sports and social clubs have rules, banks... this bank has laws and you have broken one of the fundamental laws... correct?"

"Yes, I..."

"It is inconceivable, Ms Parnis, that any employee would attempt to do what you tried to do and expect to get away with it. As you can see, I am still quivering with indignation at the very memory of your appalling deed. How could you, Ms Parnis? How could you turn up here dressed in your uniform, on this branch's official dress-down day? When I saw you walk into the bank on that fateful day wearing regulation effluent green twin-set with chicken-dos beige cravat... well, I nearly had a seizure. Good heavens, Ms Parnis... if Ms Busuttil Randon, who is 58 years old and has never been what you'd call slender, can turn up in a boob tube and a thong... why couldn't you? OK, maybe not a thong in your case... or hers, for that matter. But at least she made the effort. You made none! For goodness' sake Ms Parnis, it was fun! Or so they told me. I even entered into the spirit of dress-down day. It's not every day I'd agree to turn up for work in cut down jeans, a sunburst Hawaiian shirt and Dr Scholl sandals. I felt it my duty to comply with the bank's regulations, you patently did not. I was even complimented by several customers on my apparel. I distinctly heard one gentleman tell his wife: 'He looks a right pillock'. Praise indeed... at least one of the tellers said it was praise. Oh yes, we all made the effort and for, may I remind you, a charitable cause... the distressed bank managers fund, a most deserving... indeed the most deserving cause ".

"I did put Lm5 into the collecting box, Mr Pace Bannister."

"I know you did, Ms Parnis... I checked. But while wearing your regular uniform! Frankly, I'd rather you'd called in sick... and sent the money with a friend. But to fly blatantly in the face of the bank's laws... well, I'm lost for words. You know your sentence, don't you?"

"I - "

"Precisely! You are hereby sentenced to attend Santa Claus... ahem, me, at the bank's orphans' Christmas party in December, dressed as an attendant elf. There is no appeal. Good morning, Ms Parnis, you may leave now."