Getting Beck's goat

I refer to I.M. Beck's column of March 6, specifically to the paragraph headed Smarty Pants.

I have to admit that I am one of I.M. Beck's fans and the fact that I actually qualify to feature in his column made my day. It seems though that I have the doubtful honour of having, well and truly, got I.M. Beck's goat.

My contribution re defence lawyers was sent in quite some time ago in response to a letter entitled Defending The Guilty, as I.M. Beck would have found out if he is finding it necessary to trawl through back numbers of The Times. The original letter dealt with lawyers defending guilty people at the expense of the innocent party. That particular letter did not seem to bother I.M. Beck. Fair enough the other contributor is a senior professor in the medical sector but if I.M. Beck would consult a lawyer I am sure he would be told that even unqualified rank amateurs are entitled to an opinion. I am sure that even a tail-waging, peanut paid lawyer, while possibly disagreeing with what I say, would defend my right to say whatever it is.

By the same token I.M. Beck is free to broadcast his opinion of me to the whole wide world, at the very least readers of his column in The Times. It's OK to have a go at me (actually I am quite flattered) but please get my name right! I.M. Beck's word processor might have accepted his spelling of my name but though I am a passionate animal lover I ain't got no flock.

I.M. Beck is also totally wrong in my preference of legal beagles. I only like and respect lawyers, and anybody else for that matter, if they are good at what they do. I actually have friends in the legal profession which is why I know, as he knows that I know, that good legal beagles do not wag tails to their clients' bidding. Describing any lawyer as wagging his/her tail is rather an unhappy choice of words, given that I.M. Beck, unlike me and my amateurish scribble, is more than just qualified to write in the English language. I believe that a lawyer is there to advise his/her client not the other way around. I am really not the type to sing anybody's praises either, at least not unless the subject happens to be four-legged. Being a well brought up lady I courteously thanked my lawyer for his services. I'm a good girl - I am, honest, and I keep my nose clean.

Speaking of which (noses I mean) this admittedly very unqualified (at law) nose gets stuck into wherever I.M. Beck thinks I got it stuck and, guess what - I am up and smelling of roses as I usually do when my nose is stuck into anything I say or write. As for my apparel - I prefer to wear smart pants rather than have my knickers in a twist. Also, I believe it is much more fashionable to wear pants rather than knickers.

Of course people employ professionals to represent them if they have to appear in a court of law - even my unqualified mind can grasp that. Some can afford to have experienced lawyers others do not and it really gets my goat when some smart alec lawyer (mis)uses his knowledge of the law to work against the innocent party.

I do not understand why this should get I.M. Beck's goat. Methinks you doth protest too much sire.