Temper is the one thing you don't get rid of by losing it" actor Jack Nicholson said to Adam Sandler in the recent comedy Anger Management. This play on words carries a lot of truth and is also backed by research. Behaviours such as "letting it out", "venting anger" or "losing it" are no longer considered healthy ways of expressing anger.
We live in a culture where an aggressive response seems to be the expected and sometimes accepted reaction to stress, frustration, conflict and threat. This negatively affects our life within the community, home and work place - and our relationships in general.
This is an issue of serious concern for employers because hostile working environments can be very stressful. They are characterised by aggressive people who can potentially destroy team morale, create anxiety among employees, and engage in sabotage and other destructive behaviours. This can also create explosive situations which might result in aggressive and sometimes even violent outbursts.
The key to preventing and managing such situations is to understand what anger and hostility really are and be aware of working conditions which lead to such behaviour, know how to manage aggression, and most of all promote and ensure a working culture based on respect, understanding civil behaviour and constructive conflict.
Understanding anger and the aggressive response
Anger varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury or even rage. Like other emotional states, it is accompanied by physiological and biological reactions; typically, heart rate and blood pressure, and adrenaline and noradrenaline - the energy hormones.
This reaction can be caused by both external events that are perceived as threatening or by internal processes like negative thoughts and memories. As such, the most natural and primitive way to express anger is to respond aggressively - the basic fight-or-flight reaction that evokes a powerful surge of energy that allows us to defend ourselves or fight back when we are attacked.
This response comes from a part of the brain that is very old, closer to our ancestors than the areas in the brain responsible for higher-order reasoning. In times of physical danger such as attacks from sabre-toothed tigers, it served us well. However, as a reaction to modern day frustrations, interpersonal conflict and other stressors, the aggressive response to anger is a dysfunctional behaviour.
The good news is that there are alternative ways of expressing anger that are constructive, healthy and conducive to positive relationships. Here are some common ways of dealing with angry feelings before we do things we will later regret.
Self-awareness: An important step in managing other people's anger is being in touch with your own reactions to angry feelings. Know what pushes your buttons so you do not confuse your perception of a situation with the actual intention of the other person.
Self-esteem: A healthy self-esteem also contributes to the ability to remain calm and confident during trying moments with ourselves and others. People with high levels of self-esteem are less likely to perceive others as a threat, are more open to criticism, are able to laugh at themselves, and can handle better difficult situations. This results in them feeling less trapped, a feeling typically associated with aggressive outbursts.
Stress management: Stress often triggers aggressive responses. Learning how to keep stress levels under control often serves as a preventive measure against anger. There are, of course, many methods and techniques to manage stress. The most effective are those that address the body and mind - regular exercise, relaxation, sufficient rest and leisure time, a healthy diet, positive thinking, problem solving, investing in positive relationships and maintaining a spiritual life. By keeping these areas enriched, we can remain calm in times of perceived threat and frustration.
Emotional intelligence: According to psychologist Daniel Goleman, author of many best-selling books on the brain and behavioural senses and international consultant and lecturer, people who are emotionally intelligent have better control over how they express their feelings and are less likely to feel threatened by other people's actions.
He defines emotional intelligence as the capacity to recognise our own feelings and those of others, to motivate ourselves, and to manage emotions well in us and in our relationships. Fortunately, emotional intelligence competencies can be developed, even in adulthood.
Effective communication: Communication is the key to positive relationships in all areas of life. Many situations of anger arise out of misunderstanding, unclear messages, aggressive approaches or even lack of assertiveness. Learning how to listen well and carefully assess a situation before talking will also help diffuse angry responses.
Cognitive restructuring: This basically refers to looking at the way we think and making the necessary changes. Aggression is often an expression of our inner thoughts. Angry people usually think in exaggerated terms and this in turn leads to exaggerated behaviours. Learning how to 'restructure' our thoughts to more realistic ones can help diffuse angry reactions.
Managing other people's anger
However, it is not always anger which causes problems at work but other people's angry outbursts. This means that we also need to know how to handle other people's anger. As employers, directors, managers, supervisors, and leaders of organisations, we need to manage this hostility. An important aspect of managing employees' aggression is being able to detect early warning signs.
John D. Byrnes, president and founder of the Centre for Aggression Management in Winter Park, Florida, notes how a change in an employee's behaviour is usually a key indicator of aggression. Managers need to know their staff well so then they can be sensitive to changes. Someone who is normally organised and structured might become the opposite. Byrnes suggests that a manager should talk to an employee pointing out the change empathically and then allow the employee to talk.
Another important aspect is the ability to observe changes in a person's body language. Typical warning signs are an aggressive fixed stare, dry mouth, clenched teeth, shallow breathing, perspiration and generally muscle stiffness.
At this point it is important for a manager to assess and diffuse the situation, possibly by not pursuing the issue further at that particular moment. People often become aggressive because they feel wronged, misunderstood or unheard. Byrnes suggests these tips when explosive situations arise.
¤ Confront the employee privately to prevent embarrassment
¤ Don't lose your temper, overreact or gesture aggressively; these will trigger a similar response in the employee
¤ Listen without judgment. Many people simply want someone to hear what they have to say
¤ Validate the employee's feelings or position. Say: "You have a good point," or agree that there is a problem
¤ Help the employee save face during an anger situation. Don't pounce on a rash statement or pursue a muddled line of reasoning
¤ If necessary, suggest a delay so people can cool off
¤ Withdraw if necessary
Aggression-free working environments
Any leader in any organisation is responsible for encouraging and promoting healthy working environments where people can work freely without the constant fear and tension of aggressive outbursts from their colleagues, managers, or other employees.
In an article on reducing work place negativity that can lead to hostility, Susan Heathfield, a leading management consultant specialising in human resources, suggests a few helpful organisational strategies.
¤ Provide opportunities for people to make decisions about and control and/or influence their own job. A frequent source of hostility at the work place is when managers or heads of organisations make decisions without consulting the person in question. Almost any decision excluding the person in question is perceived negatively and could create anger and hostility.
¤ Make opportunities available for people to express an opinion about work place policies and procedures. Recognise the impact of changes in areas like working hours, remuneration, benefits, assignment of overtime, compensation payment, dress code, office location, job requirements and working conditions. All these are in the heart and mind of employees and changes in this respect could cause serious negative responses. Provide timely, pro-active responses to questions and concerns of employees.
¤ Treat people as adults, with fairness and consistency. Develop and publicise work place policies that organise work effectively. When processing a request, apply the same factors you would apply to all employees. Limit the number of regulations directing the behaviour of adult people at work as this can be very frustrating. Do not create rules for all employees when only a few abuse or violate them.
¤ Help people feel like members of the in-crowd. Every employee has the right to be up-to-date on company developments. Communicate information effectively and constantly. If a number of options for action are being considered, communicate all that you know as soon as you know it. Reserve the right to change your mind later, without consequence, when additional information affects the decisions. This will reduce the possibility of people feeling left out, ignored or side-tracked. Also, by increasing transparency you increase trust and credibility.
¤ Allow people the possibility to grow and develop. Training, opportunities for promotions, lateral moves for development and cross-functional training are clear signs of an organisation's commitment to staff. In this respect, it is crucial that such opprtunities are offered fairly and that employees do observe that unfair discrimination is being made. Employees who feel they have been wronged, deceived, cheated or backstabbed can become very volatile and are potentially dangerous.
¤ Provide appropriate leadership and a strategic framework, including mission, vision, values and goals. People need to feel they are part of something bigger than themselves. It provides a sense of safety and direction. If they understand the direction and their role in achieving desired outcomes, they can effectively contribute more.
¤ Provide appropriate rewards and recognition so people feel they are valued. Reward and recognition are strong sources of motivation and morale raising. They also increases employee's sense of loyalty and pride towards the organisation.
¤ Create an environment where healthy conflict and disagreement are regarded as normal and essential aspects of organisational growth. Conflict, if managed well, does not necessarily lead to aggression. Encourage people to speak up when they disagree or have a different opinion. Respect and reward this behaviour as long as it is respectful of other people. Creating a healthy outlet for the expression of disagreement and other grievances helps to regularly defuse potentially cumulative feelings of anger that could result in emotional outbursts. Know how to manage and deal with conflict and where necessary provide the training needed.
There will always be aggressive personalities at work and whether these are justified or not in their cause or claim, aggression should never be accepted as part of an organisational culture. Creating opportunities for employees to learn about anger and how to deal with it can hopefully educate people as to how to gain control over their impulses.
Equally important, though, is for leaders to avoid being aggressive themselves and to create working environments where employees feel respected and valued. Nothing can replace a positive working relationship between staff and management.
Leaders need to learn to tune in to 'their' people and be more sensitive to the human dynamics within their organisation. In this context, developing emotional intelligence and emotional competence is a key factor to the successful creation of healthy and aggression-free working environmnents.
Patrick J. Psaila, BA, M.Ed (Vancouver), is a freelance psychologist and professional development trainer. Together with Dr Katie Birch, Ph.D, he will be delivering an eight-hour programme on "Managing work place hostility" on October 27 and 28, at the Foundation for Human Resources, Development House, 1, Campanella Street, San Gwann.
For information e-mail pjpsaila@workassistmalta.com or katie@onvol.net or info@reachbeyondmalta.com. This programme is another initiative of the Reach Beyond Malta Foundation.
Bibliography
Controlling Hostility - Managing Workplace Violence - Carla Johnson, 2004, Gale Group.
Tips for reducing workplace negativity - Susan Heathfield, 2004.
Workplace conflict resolution: People management tips - Susan Heathfield, 2004.
Controlling anger before it controls you - Psychnet, 2004, APA.
The high costs of anger in the workplace - Dr Tony Fiore, 2004.
Managing anger: Simple steps to dealing with frustration & threat - Gael Lindenfield, 2000, Thorsons.
The angry self: A comprehensive approach to anger management - Miriam M. Gottlieb, 1999, Zeig, Tucker & Co.