Lourdes: where suffering lives another life

Lourdes crushes your spirit but reconstructs every shred of you into a better and stronger being. There you will look around and try to fathom but fail to understand the suffering.

Nonetheless, you will feel elated with the sincere inner peace that permeates the spirit of the sick and the needy. Suffering is promoted to another dimension; that is the everyday miracle of Lourdes.

This has been my experience during my visits to Lourdes with the Maltese Association of the Sovereign Military Order of Malta (SMOM) every first week in May for the last few years.

During those days all of Lourdes is packed with the members of the Order of Malta and Our Lords the Sick from every part of the world. For a few days every year the name of Malta reverberates in every corner of this holy place and becomes one with the world of suffering, prayer, hope and love.

This year was a record involvement for Malta: 150 participants, comprising 22 malades, or, as we love calling them, Our Lords the sick. There were also 45 pilgrims and the rest were Knights of Malta, Dames and helpers who generously gave their time and energy throughout.

I kept a rough diary of events, which I would love to share with you.

Friday, April 30

We convened at 4 p.m. at Malta International Airport. I met children who had never experienced flying; they were trembling with excitement. I also spoke to an old lady who, with an infectious smile, admitted she had long lost all hope of experiencing "a closer look at Heaven from up there".

Grandfathers hugged their beloved young ones and shed a tear or two. Some young ones held fast to the soft toys they had just received. Others seemed unaware of what was happening. Today could have been any other day for them.

Before taking off, we assembled in the MIA chapel for Mass. We need all the help we can get from this earth and up there anything can go wrong, and something usually does.

All helpers noted their duties and shift hours from the booklet that was distributed to each one of us. Indeed an essential tool to ensure a job well done! SMOM has accumulated tons of experience throughout the years but every time it is a new adventure.

Take-off was late; the flight presented no problems but we arrived somewhat tired. At 11.30 p.m. all the malades were safely accommodated in the Accueil Notre Dame within the holy grounds of Lourdes. Good night!

Very early rise tomorrow to offer breakfast to the malades and attend an early 7.30 a.m. Mass at the Grotto of Our Lady of Lourdes.

But how could we sleep without first catching a glimpse of what was happening back home? Malta was alight. Most of us huddled together to follow on TV at least a part of the celebration of Malta's entry in the EU. We managed just in time after much zapping and lived the bubbling excitement for a few minutes.

Very tired! As a newly-fledged European citizen, I go to bed, jot down my journal and sleep like a log.

Saturday, May 1

Early breakfast with the malades at 6.30 a.m. and off we went to the grotto. Wonderful weather! Usually, it is wet and dark but today the sky is clear, which makes hearing Mass that much more pleasant.

Mass was celebrated in Maltese and we all prayed for Malta's new venture within the EU. For many of us, leaving Malta on that day was not an easy task. We would have loved to remain home and participate in all the festivities but we just had to choose. To be honest there was no real choice: Lourdes wins easily.

I thought about this during the day. Why should Lourdes win my attention? Some may believe there is only suffering in this place. Not really! There is also serenity, offering and acceptance.

Yet there is hope for a better tomorrow but the hope I see in all of the hearts around me is not an arrogant expectation. It is a serene prayer which ends with the words: "Thy will be done."

I feel so miserably undeserving among all this; I feel so flat.

What a wonderful surprise! Half way through Mass, two of the young Maltese children accompanying us received their first Holy Communion. What a unique experience that must have been! Receiving the Son of God for the first time in a place so reminiscent of the Mother.

The holy grounds are worth touring, so the malades are taken around, tucked cosily on the carozzelle pulled by young or not so young helpers. Later we all participated in the procession for the Presentation of the Candle to Our Lady of Lourdes, where the Malta group was allowed prime place.

Truly, man does not live on bread alone but bread too is important. I notice the malades thoroughly enjoy good, regular feeds, where they can eat to their hearts' content... naturally within their dietary limits and requirements. The quality of their food is excellent. Much better than ours!

Today medals were distributed by the Grand Master, Fra Andrew Bertie, to all the personnel who attended Lourdes for the first time. I still treasure mine as a trophy, though with a great difference. Trophies are given when one wins. This medal reminds me of when I was won over by the charm of Lourdes.

It is dark and late, but we meet nonetheless to recite the Rosary on the other side of the river from the grotto. The malades are tucked well in bed. Candlelight seems to support the effigy of the Mother in thin air. All is otherwise dark. There is silence where there is no prayer. And we wait for the next moment of silence and meditate on what this is all about.

Sunday, May 2

Today the enormous underground Basilica St Pius X was packed to capacity with malades, helpers and Knights of Malta from every corner of the world. Thousands and thousands convened to sing their praise and thanks.

Strategically placed large screens offered close-ups of the ceremony and I noticed faces of souls whose only thoughts were concentrated on being there.

I looked around and felt encouraged when I saw so many young familiar faces whose modernity did not deter them from helping those who needed them with so much intensity; these were youngsters who though certainly not accustomed to menial work, now regularly washed the sick and attended to their basic needs. Lourdes transforms.

What a dread grouping up for the photo! This moment always reminds me of the insistent attempts to convince the stray family members for wedding photos. They are indeed trying moments. I am pleased to note that this year we succeeded within a very reasonable time. Almost all of the 150 smiled and were immortalised in one large attractive group photo.

In the afternoon thousands of knights, malades and pilgrims joined a procession following the Blessed Eucharist. Malta was uniquely honoured this year since Maltese helpers were chosen to carry the cross and the banners of the palms.

The unison in prayer is deafening. It is so heartening to experience such a concentration of energy that is released for one common goal: a cry for help and a petition of thanks.

This evening, when the malades were having dinner, we had a most welcome visit by Grand Master Bertie, who was awarding medals to the sick. He made it a point to talk to some of our malades with an odd Maltese word here and there.

I noted happy faces and wide, toothless smiles. Others looked as they always did: not understanding fully the 'what' and the 'why'.

Monday, May 3

Bad weather today! This is the Lourdes I remember at this time of the year. Rain! Yet nothing stops anyone from doing anything; it merely changes some venues.

Early breakfast and then Mass which, because of the rain, was celebrated in the Basilica Pius X. The rain also forced the Way of the Cross to be held in the basilica for the malades.

Those who could manage walked up the steep hill and prayed at every station set among the lush greenery and rising landscape.

I saw hands clasping others as desires were voiced in prayers; I heard some pray for the impossible or, at least, for another solution known not to humans. Some dreams and laments reside only on Golgotha.

After lunch Our Lords the Sick went to the Piscine. Bathing in holy water, they renewed their spirit and perhaps also their hopes. Today I heard a young one cry but I failed to query why.

The suffering heart may not itself know the answer or, if it does, it may not want to share profound emotion. I think, however, my silence was caused by my fear of an answer that I could not bear nor fathom.

The day was long and eventful: the Holy Rosary at the grotto, a random tour around the area, some good laughs during dinner with the malades. The end crowned it beautifully: a Marian procession aux flambeaux.

The rain kindly stopped for all of us to enjoy this evening procession. The French night was lit by thousands of candles and the heavens reached out for the large international crowds who voiced their prayers in absolute unison.

I thought I could hear an echo from high above, especially when the multitude raised their candles all together every time they sang the words Ave Maria. I could have stayed on that night. And the face of that young child who could not respond to almost anything seemed to smile.

One old lady held my hand that evening and said: "I was in heaven for a few hours." Good night.

Tuesday, May 4

Following Mass today some of our helpers received a medal for attending Lourdes three times. This medal is awarded on the fourth visit. Members of the Order of Malta do not receive this honour; it is our duty.

After lunch we all prepared for our way back to Malta. It is a slow process since it involves much work, but it comes natural by time.

On the plane I looked around me. My eyes picked out the helpers from among the pilgrims and malades. There were doctors, chemists, nurses, lawyers, teachers, businessmen, accountants, priests, young students, modern teenagers and old timers.

Some of these were Knights of Malta from the Maltese Association of SMOM; others were not. All were there because they chose to, because they enjoyed giving and because suffering only makes sense in another dimension.

As soon as the plane touched land, we were all terribly tired but were already planning for next year.