Society must heed a person's cry for help

Eradicating the taboos which shroud suicide and talking about this "forbidden" topic can go a long way to reducing the rate of suicide or attempted suicides.

Society had to stop and listen carefully to the cry for help if it wished to lower the suicide rate, according to clinical and community psychologist Edward Curmi.

The trauma families face and the stigma they endure was overwhelming.

A total of 26 cases were reported in 2001 and 15 in 2002.

Suicides are not reported in the media but word travels fast and everybody who learns of a case whispers the horrific details, piling more shame on those left to face the tragedy.

"The stigma surrounding suicide can make it extremely difficult for the family to deal with their grief and can cause them to feel terribly isolated," Dr Curmi, who works at the Richmond Foundation, said in an interview.

"They can often find that people relate differently to them after the suicide and they may be very reluctant to talk about what has happened for fear of condemnation," he added.

Dr Curmi, who is often asked to hold support groups for the family or friends who may have witnessed the suicide, said there was no clear-cut picture of what made a person tick.

"Most of the time suicide is a cry for help, an option they choose because they believe there is no way out. They attempt suicide to block unbearable emotional pain," he said.

The majority of those who commit suicide do not have a diagnosable mental illness; they are just normal people who at a particular time are feeling isolated, desperately unhappy and alone.

"Of course, there are cases of mental illness where a person can be acutely distressed and depressed to some extent. However, in a society where there is so much stigma, a person who feels suicidal may fear others will think he is 'crazy' if he expresses his feelings," he said.

Dr Curmi believes that talking about how a person committed suicide was not a good idea as it encouraged copy-cat suicides. Communicating feelings was essential.

"Talking about the feelings that surround suicide promotes understanding and can greatly reduce the immediate distress of a suicidal person," he said.

In today's fast-paced world, friends or family sometimes failed to stop and ask about the feelings of their loved ones or recognise the warning signs.

"A suicidal person will often give warning signs, indicating he needs help and often in the hope of rescue. Yet, others may show signs of coping - the only way to know is to ask," he said.

Dr Curmi said that if somebody has found the courage to share suicidal thoughts the most important thing was to listen and let him know he is loved.

"Take them seriously and openly, avoid being judgemental and avoid looking shocked and eventually try to get help from someone equipped to help most effectively," he advised.

Warning signs

There is no typical suicide victim. It happens to young and old and between January and May 2003 the registered suicides spanned the ages of 22 and 82. Fortunately, there are some common warning signs which, when acted upon, can save lives. Here are some signs to look for. A person might be suicidal if he/she:

¤ Talks about committing suicide.

¤ Has trouble eating or sleeping.

¤ Experiences drastic changes in behaviour.

¤ Withdraws from friends and/or social activities.

¤ Loses interest in hobbies, work, school etc...

¤ Prepares for death by making out a will and final arrangements.

¤ Gives away prized possessions.

¤ Has attempted suicide before.

¤ Takes unnecessary risks.

¤ Has had recent severe losses.

¤ Is preoccupied with death and dying.

¤ Loses interest in personal appearance.

¤ Increases the use of alcohol or drugs.

What you can do

¤ Be direct. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.

¤ Be willing to listen. Allow expressions of feelings and accept the feelings.

¤ Be non-judgmental. Don't debate whether suicide is right or wrong, or if feelings are good and bad. Don't lecture on the value of life.

¤ Get involved. Become available and show interest and support.

¤ Don't act shocked. This will put a distance between you.

¤ Don't be sworn to secrecy. Seek support.

¤ Offer hope that alternatives are available but do not offer glib reassurance.

¤ Take action. Remove means, such as guns or stockpiled pills.

¤ Get help from persons or agencies specialising in crisis and suicide prevention.