Joyless children throwing tantrums or being rude to their parents are so common it is no longer deemed as being abnormal but a phase we all hope they will snap out of.

Yet, some never do and they grow up to be teenagers who are so used to having their way they find it difficult to accept the cards dealt out by life.

According to clinical and community psychologist Edward Curmi we are witnessing a generation of "toxic teenagers" who would actually be happier people if discipline was part of their upbringing.

"Setting aside a child's insufferable behaviour as a phase is just an easy excuse," he said in an interview.

Overactive and spoilt children are nowadays being "clinically diagnosed" with attention deficit hyperactivity disorders and while some did have pathological disorders others just needed to be reined in.

Dr Curmi acknowledges that being a parent is the hardest job in the world and nobody teaches you how to be a good mother or father, you just have to learn through experience.

One reason behind the increase in undisciplined children is that both parents work so hard, usually to sustain their family; they then feel guilty and give in to their child's every whim in a desperate attempt to make up for the time lost.

Parents also want their child to love them so much that they are willing to do anything to get that love, sometimes foregoing discipline. "Sometimes I witness parents loving their child in a distorted way, buying them presents to keep the peace," he said.

Dr Curmi said the new generation of parents were trying to move away from the upbringing they received from their own parents, sometimes going to extremes.

"Parents are trying very hard to be their child's friend. It's a good thing to be a friend but you have to remember that you're also a parent and must know where to draw the line," he said.

Children automatically mirrored their parents' behaviour and Albert Bandura's social learning theory was proof of this. In this classic study, children who watched adults behave aggressively towards a doll displayed the same sort of behaviour themselves. The children learned aggressive behaviour through observation.

"Parents have to be responsible for their lifestyle and lead by example. Partying late at night, going home drunk or using foul language is not exactly exemplary behaviour. Parents think this cool behaviour makes them close to their child, but modelling is crucial because children look up to their parents."

He suggests that parents should communicate with their child in an assertive way as opposed to a passive attitude.

Dr Curmi warns that children learn emotional blackmail from a very young age especially when parents give in if the child puts up enough of a fight.

A recently published book, The Epidemic: The Rot of American Culture, Absentee and Permissive Parenting by psychiatrist Robert Shaw tackles this concern in great detail.

Dr Shaw believes parents are being lulled into believing that bad behaviour is the norm by parenting gurus who preach child-centric theories - "never let your baby cry"; "he'll use the potty when he's ready" or "your child's feelings come first" (above yours).

He said that the breeding ground of the epidemic of bad behaviour went back to infancy and that high-demand babies grew into temperamental toddlers who refused to accept routines and resisted potty training well past the age when they were capable of it.

Dr Curmi fully agrees with this and said: "Discipline and putting your foot down may be tough at first but children will eventually appreciate the way you brought them up."

A teacher's perspective

A teacher who has taught 14- to 16-year-olds in both a Church and a private school cannot help but compare the different attitudes of students.

Here she recounts her experience, which she says is shared by fellow teachers who face the same attitudes in one of Malta's private schools.

"I generally found students in a Catholic school to be slightly more submissive. They have been brought up to respect their teacher. However, they hardly voice their opinion, which is totally wrong," she said.

In private schools, students had the complete opposite attitude, constantly asserting themselves in an obnoxious way.

"Their parents normally come to the students' defence by saying their child was just standing up for his rights. It's healthy to be assertive but rude behaviour is intolerable," she argued.

This teacher, who did not wish to be named, said her colleagues all believed that students these days lacked discipline at home, making it doubly hard for them to control the child at home.

"From our experience both parents normally work and they then feel guilty and give their children everything they ask for. Sometimes what the child craves is love and attention not money," she said.

The teachers at this particular school have also noted that those boys whose fathers worked abroad, or were absent from the home, tended to be most undisciplined, with a "terribly rude attitude".

"The thing is that these children crave discipline. If they're trying to act cool and you put your foot down, you gain their respect," she said.

While recognising that there are some extremely sweet and educated students, the boisterous ones, who were normally boys, disrupted the entire class.

"While it is important for children to be liberal and creative, striking a balance by instilling discipline is crucial for their development."