Sons and daughters of democracy

Democracy is an attitude, as much as it is a system. Democratic society is propped up by individuals with a democratic mind set; with a positive regard and respect for both themselves and others, an interest in the common good, and the ability to cooperate and carry social responsibilities.

According to one school of psychology, the 'democratic character' has its seeds in early childhood. It holds that the community feeling is an innate potential that needs to be nurtured. Parents can choose to raise their children around principles such as love and acceptance, mutual respect, freedom within limits, joint decision making and accountability for one's actions.

The resulting adult is likely to enjoy a sense of belongingness and self-confidence, a positive attitude towards life in general, and will therefore be capable of contributing not only to his or her own well-being, but also to that of the community.

Individual Psychology, a school originated by Alfred Adler, an Austrian psychologist of the 1930s, encourages parents to adopt this approach to bringing up their children.

By contrast, Adler holds, autocratic parents - who use their power to demand unquestioned obedience, deny children the freedom to express themselves, and frequently put them down - have a good chance of turning out insecure, power-seeking adults with similar attitudes towards their peers. Or adults who constantly rebel against authority. Neither would be capable of contributing much to democracy.

"Children start to be influenced by their parents' attitudes from the age of one," says Joyce Callus, the chairperson of the Malta Adlerian Psychology Association and a parenting expert. "The daily, small-scale practice of democratic principles give children an early experience of democratic living.

"It also enhances individual potential. In an autocratic environment the educational goal is often blind obedience. In a democratic environment, the goal is self-development. This applies to the family as well as to classroom education."

An overprotected, pampered childhood can lead to just as much insecurity and low self-esteem as being brought up in an autocratic environment, she adds.

"Children naturally feel inferior to adults, because of their size and limits to their knowledge compared to adults. But they also have a natural drive to overcome these feelings, to become fully independent. Parents who over-protect their children - who don't give them the chance to do things for themselves, learn from their own experience or cope with difficulty - don't give them the space to start believing in themselves.

"The feeling of inadequacy will therefore persist and become a self-fulfilling prophecy, and could well turn into a full-blown inferiority complex."

And, one could add, a person with low self-esteem or self-confidence will certainly not live up to his or her potential in terms of contributing to the healthy growth of society.

At the other extreme of authoritarianism or overprotection are the parents who set no rules or boundaries. "This doesn't do much for the child's self-confidence because he never knows what is expected of him and is always having to test the waters, or he may feel uncared for", says Ms Callus.

So what is the Adlerian way of parenting? Here are a few of the democratic child guidance principles set out by Adler, courtesy of the Alfred Adler Institute of San Francisco.

Mutual respect. Equality is the right of all human beings. Parents who show respect for the child - while winning his respect for them - teach the child to respect himself and others.

Encouragement. This implies respect and faith in the child. A child misbehaves usually when he is discouraged and believes he cannot succeed.

Never do for a child what he can do for himself. A dependent child is a demanding child. Children become irresponsible only when parents fail to give them opportunities to take on responsibility.

Take time. The child needs to be taught essential skills and habits. Don't attempt to train a child in a moment of conflict or in company. The parent who "does not have time" for training will have to spend more time correcting an untrained child.

Build on the positive, not on the negative. Making mistakes is human. We must have the courage to be imperfect. The child is also imperfect. Don't make too much fuss and don't worry about his mistakes.

Make decisions together. A regular family meeting would give every member of the family a chance to express himself freely and come up with ways to tackle situations. Decisions should be by consensus, not majority vote. If not possible in one meeting, postpone the decision to the next.

Have fun together. Develop a relationship based on enjoyment, mutual respect, love and affection, mutual confidence and trust, and a feeling of belonging.

Understand the child's goal. Every action of a child has a purpose. And his basic aim is to have significance and a place in the group. This comes about by cooperating with the group and by making his own useful contribution. The misbehaving child is still trying, in a mistaken way, to feel important in his own world.

For example, a young child who has never been allowed to dress himself (because the parent is "in a hurry"), who has not been allowed to help in the house ("you're not big enough"), may lack the feeling that he is a useful, contributing member of the family, and might feel important only when arousing a parent's anger and annoyance with misbehaviour - which is best ignored.

Natural and logical consequences. Rather than be punished, children must be allowed to experience the natural results of their own behaviour. (For example, facing a teacher's reaction to failure to do homework).

Logical consequences, on the other hand, are established by the parents, and are a direct and logical - not arbitrarily imposed - consequence of transgression. (If a child leaves his room strewn with dirty clothes, he cannot expect his mum to wash the clothes).

Reward and punishment don't work in the long run. A child soon considers a reward his right and demands a reward for everything. And he will see punishment as giving him the right to retaliate, which is usually more effective than the punishment meted out by the parents.

Adlerian summer school

A yearly summer school is offered by the International Committee of Adlerian Summer Schools and Institutes, aimed at anyone interested in the psychology of Alfred Adler, from counsellors and educators to businessmen and parents.

This year the school will be held in Ireland between July 25 and August 7. Participants, who come from all over the world, can choose from a wide range of courses, tailor-made to their specific needs. One/two week, or half-day courses are available.

To keep prices as low as possible, lecturers give their services free of charge. Accommodation is provided on campus, at University College, Cork.

For more information, email Joyce Callus: callus@maltanet.net. Or go to: www.Icassi.net.

Want more information about Adlerian psychology as it applies to family or school? Join the association by writing to Bro Saviour Gatt, c/o MAPA, Dar Santa Marija, Santa Marija, Mellieha.