Snap, crackle and bop

I would not profess to know whether these two related incidents happened by accident or design, although I do have my suspicions.

Net Television has resurrected - if that is the correct term to use for beings such as they - Angli on Monday evenings so that the series can compete with one of the better offerings of late from PBS - Ghada Jisbah Ukoll. Angels with dirty faces, in a manner of speaking (see below).

A similar ruse has been tried by RTK. As wannabe competition to the evergreen Cama Cama, there is a new programme called, of all things, Karma (before it started, children were being asked what they thought the word meant) and children seeking to take part in the admittedly simple competition that goes out on a Friday are told that "it would be a good thing for them to listen to the Monday-Thursday slots".

Of course in either case, it's no contest... at least so far, but I have my reservations about one of the Ghada characters having been seen smoking.

And, speaking of plays, now that the excellent It-Tfal Jigu bil-Vapuri has ended with what some racist-inclined kids described as is-suwed qatluh, I hope that preparations are under way for the other Oliver Friggieri opus, Gizimin li Qatt ma Jiftah, if Fil-Parlament Ma Jikbrux Fjuri is too tough an assignment, without there being any attempt to poach audiences from other stations.

This is even worse than the ruse of getting scantily dressed young ladies strutting their stuff in programmes that are ostensibly meant for family viewing.

Reading body language is one of my favourite pastimes. On Tuesday, in the early afternoon programme on Smash Television, I watched Ms Joanne interview (again) Dr Emy Bezzina, holding forth about one of his favourite topics (divorce).

As usual, all the presenter managed to get in was a few syllables edgewise, but what was really interesting was the way the lady was practically leaning back at an angle of 45°.

Some weeks ago I was enthusing about one of the items in Paolo Bonolis's I fatti tuoi (Rai Uno), wherein a woman who had been visited by, to all intents and purposes, an angel, related her story.

An exorcist (in this case a Catholic priest) had then given a lengthy exposé upon the topic of angels.

However, it would seem that the programme is, in a manner of speaking, even so, not all that it appears to be.

Canale 5's Striscia la notizia team is having the time of their lives outing the shenanigans behind the scenes.

So far they have not mentioned the aforementioned two guests; however, they have run amok with clips from films and extracts from Websites showing how many of the people who supposedly had stories to tell are, as in Malta for all that, friends of friends.

Some of them have had bit parts - cameo roles - in films, or have taken part in one of the myriad beauty contests that are held in Italy. Some are on the staff list of establishments obliquely connected with the media.

Others are on the committees of football clubs or political parties. And, to top it all, some of them have already appeared as guests on other programmes, albeit sometimes presenting an altogether different image.

Hoping to cash in on this notoriety, several people are phoning Mediaset and telling of how they were set up as 'characters' in different storylines on supposedly 'real' television programmes (they told me he was to be my boyfriend, and then I was told to pretend that my best friend was in fact my [lesbian] girlfriend, and the contract, of which I was not given a copy, said I wasn't to speak of it before two years elapsed... and more of the same).

When I was a child there used to be an advertisement headlined Wake Up Your Lazy Freight. I was reminded of this attitude when I finally heard that action about the November 7, 2003 Xarabank that had talked (and how) about the use of foul language as opposed to the usual abuse of language, had finally filtered down from the Broadcasting Authority.

However, rather than the ton of bricks expected after the ruckus the public kicked up, the method employed was a mere kilo of marshmallows.

Almost two months after the original programme was aired, the BA said, basically, that it was not fining Where's Everybody because of extenuating circumstances. In a nutshell, despite the fact that there had been an "unnecessary inclusion of foul words", no fine would be levied.

The BA has called upon PBS to construct effective and preventive self-regulation procedures a.s.a.p.

But what eludes my tentative grasp of the English language is the important suggestion that measures be introduces that stuff which includes potentially offensive contents is not broadcast without prior authorisation of the highest level of the station's editorial board.

This means that the rapporteur-in-chief will baldly, boldly go where some men have gone before, videocassette of clips and script in hand, asking for the CEO's permission (or failing him, the next in line present) to go on air with them.

The decision, as follows, will be final and legally binding. Nothing to it, mate. Just make sure you put that red "Adults Only" sticker at the bottom left of the screen, and, contrary to practice, leave it there throughout the whole running time of the programme, not just the first four minutes. That way, you can blithely tell people that they would have been warned.