Preparing for pre-school

You look down at those beautiful, innocent eyes and the small, vulnerable frame that's barely out of toddlerhood, and you're suddenly gripped by pangs of anxiety. The big day - for both of you - has arrived. Your little one is about to head off for school, or rather pre-school, for the very first time.

The experience may be unsettling for some parents and children alike. For one thing, both can feel stressed by the separation. And children can become anxious about the new adults they meet, the unfamiliar surroundings and all the strange children.

Others, meanwhile, jump headlong into the new world without a hint of hesitation.

In whichever way your youngster reacts to starting school, the ideas below may help him or her prepare for the big event and adjust to school more smoothly:

Before school starts

¤ It may be a good idea to try and visit the school together once or twice before the scholastic year begins. You can walk around the corridors and grounds, visit the classrooms, describe what will be going on inside and start getting the child used to the idea and to the place that is school.

¤ Talk to your child about going to school. Tell him about the positive experiences that you remember, and about all the exciting things he'll do and learn, about the books and the blocks, the paints and the games, and so on. Make sure he knows that every child goes to school and that schools are wonderful places.

¤ To help your child prepare for the new faces, why not try and arrange for him to meet and play with children bound for the same class? Starting school with friends can make the experience easier. However, don't worry if this is not possible. By the end of the school year, there are no differences between children who knew each other before and those who did not.

¤ Go shopping and buy the school materials together. Tell your child why she needs certain items and what they are used for. This should get her excited about the many activities ahead.

¤ Don't forget, our children pick up a great deal from what we say and do. Worries and feelings of anxiety will be transferred to them. In the same way, if you're excited and positive, your enthusiasm will probably become part of your child's experience.

Day one and beyond

¤ Instead of asking your child whether she'll be all right, tell her that you believe she will do fine, and there will be people at the school ready to help her if necessary.

¤ Some children find it comforting to take along a favourite object, like a teddy bear, small toy, or story book, that can serve as a bit of home during the adjustment period. Don't suggest it yourself, but it is generally wise to respect a child's desire to cling to something familiar in times of stress. It isn't long before most children spontaneously give up these symbolic comforts.

¤ If your child is hesitant or upset, don't react by offering her a reward or a bribe, such as promising a special treat for good behaviour, as this would suggest that she ought to be unsure of herself. On the other hand, don't threaten or tease her about being a "cry baby" either. This probably won't help at all. Instead, reassure your child that it is okay to cry. Accept the child's feelings without dwelling on them, and let her know that you understand that it takes time to get used to new people and places. Remind her that she'll come back home to you every day, and that as she makes new friends and gets used to things, she will not miss mummy so badly anymore.

¤ If your child clings to you and cries at the top of his lungs when you are about to say goodbye, the best thing may be to leave quickly. The longer you stay, the harder the child may cry. Generally, children who cling or cry their eyes out calm down within a few minutes and enjoy school. If your child continues to be upset after you leave and the teacher cannot calm him down, someone from the school will contact you.

¤ Alternatively, if a young child finds the new experience too painful, ask permission to spend some time with her in the class during the first few days and then reduce that time gradually.

¤ If you are one of those parents who is tempted to cry when the little one disappears into the nursery crowd, hold on until she is well out of sight and sound! The best goodbyes are short, sweet, warm, and firm.

Some practicalities

¤ Don't forget to label everything your child takes to school. If Superman or Pokemon is all the rage, you can be sure that lots of children will be taking the same lunch box or back pack to school. Even young children achieve a sense of self-sufficiency when they can identify their own things with confidence.

¤ Can your child easily put on and remove that jacket, or does it have a troublesome zip? Is your child still learning to tie his shoes - perhaps Velcro would be easier. Think about those adorable dungarees. They'll do nothing for your child's sense of competence and esteem if she can't get out of them to use the bathroom.

¤ It will be easier for your child to get used to the new schedule - bedtime, wake-up time and breakfast time - if you start him a couple of weeks or more before school begins.

¤ Practicing routines and behaviours until they become a habit is a lot of what pre-school is about. For example, if your child puts her back pack in the same place everyday after school, it is easier to find it the next morning.

¤ Pack a lunch in a lunch box, sit down at the table and practice opening things together and putting them away! Remind her to ask for help if she needs it.