Where art thou Phil?

The EU referendum and general elections are drawing near. The major parties are gearing up. If the ongoing political ping-pong is anything to go by, the forthcoming electoral campaigns promise to be quite entertaining.

An inundation of propaganda will reverberate within our shores as media gurus busily weave and spin astonishing tales. We will be seduced. We will be promised heaven on earth. We will be enticed to believe it all.

Candidates will pose and solicit. Political parties will accuse and excuse. The phenomena will be fraught with spicy live debates, tasty controversial interviews, attractive spots, and enticing features, topped by a strong dose of juicy gossip. A volume of pungent allegations will not be lacking. Hopefully, at the end of the day, decorum, if not honesty, will prevail.

The contrasting political messages will be presented under a host of guises and the medium employed will vary in size and shape. We will drown in the deluge of publicity stunts that will undoubtedly fall upon this tiny island of ours.

Considering that bulk mail will be the order of the day it is not unlikely that Maltapost shares will soar. If telephone campaigning is adopted as one of the many media used to propel the message across, as I have no doubt it will, Maltacom too will fare well, as will the mobile providers offering an instant marketing service to some 260,000 clients (at the last count).

Petrol stations, believe it or not, will also benefit. Those thousands who, under normal circumstances spend their blessed Sundays cruising around the countryside in laidback fashion, will, without fail, be carcading on first gear, in jam-packed festooned roads, to their weekly destination - mass meetings.

During the electoral campaigns, Malta and Gozo will take on a totally different appearance. They will be pasted with all sorts of faces. At every prominent bend, lofty colourful diversions, depicting our political parties' pictorial campaign, will perforce distract drivers from regular boredom.

Featuring, once again, will be the logos and slogans chosen by the rival entities, although this time round, it seems, we will be regaled by many, many more than those pertaining to the two major contestants. Mixed signals will be flashed to the electorate. Contrasting policies will be tossed in our faces.

Imagine the pre-referendum scenario. On the one hand, an orchestrated campaign by the Nationalist Party, the Alternattiva party and the Iva Movement, in harmony, singing a 'yes EU now' jingle while, on the other hand, a brood of Malta Labour Party choruses yodeling 'no EU' medleys!

Although it is commonly said that curiosity kills the cat, I am dying to learn which of its innuendoes will the Malta Labour market for the referendum, that is, if it intends supporting it at all!

If the Malta Labour Party opts to sell its contrasting views on the EU membership issue, will it sport a 'no to EU - at all costs' logo and slogan? Will it champion a 'no to EU - for now' promotion or will it adopt a simple 'no to negotiations' approach.

If Alfred Sant, as leader of the Malta Labour Party, supposedly representing the whole of it, has his way, and decides to boycott the imminent democratic event, what will happen to the Mintoff-Mifsud Bonnici tandem? (not to mention Alfred Mifsud's position in the whole matter!)? What about their publicity campaign? Will they have to throw in the gauntlet and gracefully surrender to the powers that might be? Who knows what the future holds.

Oh dear, oh dear, why are some natives so puerile!