If you`re happy and you know it clap your hands...

While the president of the European Parliament, Pat Cox, was with us in Malta, the members of the European Commission were finalising their proposals to turn the Brussels executive into a "virtual EU government" . This will give them a major say in foreign policy, justice, home affairs, tax-raising, social policy, immigration and stronger powers over member states` budgets.

The charming and eloquent Pat Cox, on a stop-over to provide the government with some oxygen, decided to talk to us about other things when he addressed us in parliament. You see, the above-mentioned proposals are beyond our grasp and so he probably thought that appealing to our religious sentiments would be more up our street.

Accession to the EU does not mean that we will have to introduce abortion, he told us, keeping a straight face. In kindergarten fashion, he asked and answered his own questions: "do we have abortion in the republic of Ireland? The answer is no. Who chose? The Irish people. The role of the EU? The answer is zero". But really, who ever told Mr Cox that we were worried about that? Labour certainly never said that if we join the EU we will have to introduce abortion.

But I did see this kite being flown by the one-million-liri-a-year government propaganda machine. There`s this advert showing on prime time television, where a woman anxiously asks whether abortion will be legalised if we join the EU. A smart young girl then appears on screen telling the distressed lady not to worry because that will not be the case. So maybe they should have told Mr Cox who is propagating these ideas, while we pay for them!

Mr Cox, again in a somewhat patronising manner, told us how happy he is that the EU recognises our identity by treating Maltese as an official language. Are we supposed to say thank you? Why shouldn`t Maltese be recognised by the Union? Is it not a national language like the rest?

Actually, we are worried about the Maltese language in Malta, and not in Brussels. We are very concerned when, for instance we write to a government department in Maltese and they answer back in English. Or when we see a linguistic gaffe like the one in the programme for Mr Cox`s address to the House of Representatives. Thank goodness that he cannot read Maltese.

The president of the European Parliament was also briefed on the Nationalist Party`s slogan "for our children" and spoke about our children too. What Mr Cox forgot to mention was the biggest worry we have about our children`s future, which is the size of our public debt, part of which every child that is born has hanging like a millstone around the neck. Mr Cox is well aware of this but I am sure they did not tell him who brought about this state of affairs.

The president of the European Parliament told us about when, some 10 years ago, Vaclav Havel visited the Irish Parliament and told the members there that the 12 stars on the EU flag have nothing to do with heaven on earth. What a relief! That is what we have been trying to tell our political opponents all the time. But still from the opposition benches they promised manna from heaven in the form of 100 million liri a year, the minute we reactivate our membership application.

Mr Cox scowled in disbelief when Dr Sant referred to this electoral promise in his speech. Not only did the Nationalist top brass make this claim, which was repeated on all their media, but they also registered it in a special election newspaper supplement.

This is when the prime minister started sinking deeper into his seat; he probably did not think that this manna from heaven issue would feature on this occasion. But actually it was Mr Cox himself who broached the subject of stars and heaven on earth. The reality is that the money we get will be the money we will have already put in the EU kitty via our taxes.

But no, we will never be told the truth by this government. What do we expect? The prime minister even had the gall to distort historical facts and say to Mr Cox and all of us present, that Labour were against independence. This, when he knows very well and he even lived the period, that Labour told our colonisers: either integration or self-determination. The only consolation I get when hearing these barefaced absurdities is that the prime minister is really scraping the bottom of the pot and is on the defensive.

While speaking of stooping low, what happened in the strangers` gallery on Mr Cox`s visit to parliament, immediately comes to mind.

When the prime minister finished his speech, our impartial civil servants clapped their hands in earnest, but poor chaps, their hands were suddenly paralysed at the end of the leader of the opposition`s address. According to the parliamentary standing orders, guests at the House of Representatives are not supposed to cheer or clap, and thus the Speaker should have stopped them. Had the Speaker done so, he not only would have done his job, but also spared our administrative elite the inconvenience of showing themselves in their true colours while on the job.

If they`re happy, let them clap. I would have been happy, had I heard from Mr Cox some serious talk about the overhaul the EU commission is proposing and about the pros and cons of membership in this context. But instead he chose to talk down to us and in the end tell us that it`s our choice whether we join or not. As if we didn`t know.