A sketch on `etiquette`

What exactly is "etiquette"? Is it still as important nowadays as in days gone by? Does anybody really care about outmoded formalities? In the following explanations I will endeavour to answer these and other similar queries and you must evaluate the conclusions.

Accordingly, it would be as well to start with a definition from Cassell`s English Dictionary and this is as follows: (1) the conventional rules of behaviour in polite society; (2) the established rules of precedence and ceremonial in a court; (3) the codes of formal behaviour between members of a profession, etc. These, therefore, are the principal meanings of the French word etiquette.

In its modern idiom, "etiquette" covers the manners, conventions, customs and courtesies that set the pattern for living in a civilised society. Customs may change as the years pass; so do certain conventions. However, the important factor which is unchanging is that courtesy must be the order of the day. Thus, our behaviour to others must not be superficial, a relic of days gone by. It must express the realisation of our wish to love and be loved, like and be liked, find friends and be at ease with ourselves and with others.

In this context, there is a welcome trend in modern manners towards informal, casual behaviour. The keynote is friendliness rather than formality, in keeping with the pace of modern lives.

However, there are still many occasions when it is important to know "the form", occasions when a sense of ceremony makes the day, when a feeling for formality adds a touch of glamour and few of us would wish to be "out of step".

This is etiquette in its original context. It is worth noting at this juncture that the word is derived from the old French word etiquette meaning label, ticket or card. Eventually, this came to be associated specifically with a card of directions and regulations for behaviour at the French Court.

Behaviour in public places

The English custom of driving on the left derives, it is believed, from the courtesy of carriage drivers who wished to whip their horses without risking striking pedestrians.

Another theory is that one drove on the left to defend oneself with the right hand from being attacked by strangers. Whatever the origins of this custom, the English way was introduced into Malta and still exists to this day.

Another English custom is that, traditionally, a man walks on the outside of the pavement. The theory in this connection is that the lady avoided the risk of having her garments dirtied by the mud from passing carriages or, dare it be said, from slops thrown out of upstairs windows. Nowadays, it is still common courtesy for the man to ensure that his lady companion is on the inside of the pavement while he takes the kerb side.

Seating at table

The host and hostess sit opposite one another. It is convention that the most important guest is seated on the host`s right, the most important male guest on the hostess`s right. A modern hostess takes it from there and places guests next to people she thinks they prefer, bearing in mind that men and women are seated alternately and that husbands and wives should be separated - provided the numbers are sufficient.

It is interesting at this juncture to discuss the table setting. A really pretty table sets the scene for any dinner party, formal or informal. A tablecloth and matching linen napkins are the preferred choice for a formal dinner but place mats are the popular choice nowadays for a less formal occasion.

Linen napkins should always be provided for a dinner party, never paper ones. The word "serviettes" should not be used instead of "napkins". Candles always add romance to a dinner table and these should be lit by the time the guests take their places.

A brief description of how the cover should be laid is as follows - from right to left - soup spoon, fish knife, meat knife, bread and butter knife; from left to right - fish fork, meat fork. Across top - dessert spoon and fork, fork prongs to the right, spoon contrariwise.

Glasses are placed directly above the soup spoon and meat knife and are set as follows: from left to right - the water goblet and then the wine glasses in the order they are to be used. For a very formal dinner, this would probably include a hock and claret glass; the port glass is not laid in advance but brought to the table at the same time as the port decanter.

The subject of "etiquette" covers such a wide spectrum of occasions and circumstances that it is vast indeed: for instance, weddings, funerals, writing letters, the correct form of address when meeting dignitaries or giving a formal speech, these and many more.

Hopefully, over the coming weeks, each event or convention will be treated somewhat more comprehensively to clarify the very essence of this wonderful word "etiquette".