All about men!

"How old are you?" asked Maria Ganado from the back of a packed Erin Serracino Inglott last Saturday, just as Jenny Zammit finished her introduction to the film Things You Can Tell Just by Looking at Her.

"Why, what difference does it make to know my age?" asked Jenny Zammit, a counsellor with the ministry of education and a psychology lecturer at University.

"It`s because, when I was young we used to be shocked when we heard about tragedies, whereas now you talk about it in such a matter of fact tone!"

Well, 40 years ago life was simpler; roles were very well defined. And it is these roles which today are being challenged by both men and women and which in turn are challenging the structures of our society, the very core of our selves.

Because we have to rethink the way we organise our lives, our working hours, the way we relate. The roles which had been defined for centuries gave us a certain security. This helped us know our limits, but now we find ourselves having to create a `new order` of things. Now we have to create new boundaries, new values. Now we feel as if the carpet is being taken from under our feet.

The film Things You Can Tell Just by Looking at Her was filled with real-life pain and suffering. I would not call this a tragedy. It was an authentic film relating the every-day struggles of six `common` people. It was real, for a change!

The tragedy, I feel, that ran through the whole film and which was evident in all the characters, was loneliness. Yes, I would call this a tragedy, because you have to experience the void inside, the feeling of not having anyone to stand by you, to understand.

The tragedy is not in itself being a lesbian, having a relationship with a married man, having an abortion, or depending on a telephone call to help you make it through the day.

It is the fact that no matter how independent women claim to be today, no matter what status or the career they hold, there seems to be a void which cannot be filled.

The real pain of the woman going through abortion was not the physical pain, but the emotional and psychological pain. The woman who tried her best to be tough, to make it as a matter-of-fact experience, moaned with pain afterwards because in reality she wanted the baby more than she admitted to herself, and had her partner only expressed the wish, she would have kept the child. But she could not admit it with herself. Maybe this is today`s tragedy.

This film cuts very deep into women`s pain of today: Who does she want to be? The career person or the family person? Does she have a choice?

It helped us look in the `windows` of our compartimentalised selves, from a different perspective, from the real human perspective. The single mother whose son told her he was already having intercourse was not shocked because of his promiscuity, but it made her sad because she was alone without a partner.

And it was not the responsibility of caring for a blind sister that troubled the woman detective but the fact that her sister was having a sexual relationship and she was on her own.

During her introduction, Jenny Zammit commented that it is sad that very few men, if any, featured in the film. There are too many women, she said.

This is where I completely disagree with Jenny. I think this was the whole point of the film or shall I say the paradox? Men were continuously present in the characters` mind. It was all about the yearning women have for being in a caring relationship, for the need to be desired by a man.

The women depended completely and solely on the reactions of their loved ones. Whether it was the doctor who waited for a phone call from a man with whom she was infatuated, or the other woman who was happy to meet just for a few hours a married man, who really and truly did not care for her but was just interested in sex.

In reality, men dominated the scenario and the women lived solely for these men; they designed their free time, their lives to suit the men. The story does not depict these women as being used or abused. They were strong, career-minded women, achievers who knew what they wanted, they wanted to have a man in their lives and those who were single yearned for one.

I am not saying that there is something intrinsically wrong in this. But it is sad because their happiness depended on these men.

It is sad because before, perhaps, it was easier for women to meet their soul mate. Maybe all this talk about equality is frightening men after all. Becoming aware of the inner strength of women could be accentuating men`s weaknesses - the weakness which they were never taught to deal with. But this is not the only cause, life is even more complicated nowadays.

Concerning this, I give credit to Maria Ganado, maybe yes, people were really more happy.

But although everything around us is changing, maybe in our heart of hearts, there is still a Cinderella in each and every one of us, waiting to meet her prince charming. Waiting to meet the love of her life, to be lifted up and taken away by him.

And when this does not happen, there is a certain sadness in a woman, a certain sense of incompleteness, irrespective of how fulfilled she feels in a career. It is only through a relationship that she can feel truly special, cared for.

At least, some admit it, but others, like in the film, do not.